Strength

Last week I wrote about my current health issue and how worried I was (initially) that I had a far more serious condition.  The consultant really did put my mind at ease.  She told me all about my issue and talked about my forthcoming operation, but she certainly did not indicate that I have anything to worry about.

During my “worry period” between the scan and the consultant appointment, I asked my nan and grandad for a sign that everything would be ok.  For those of you that follow my regular weekly blog posts, you will already know that my nan (especially) is pretty good at giving me a sign from spirit, no kidding, the lady has it licked, she gives signs like a boss, she makes it effortless!

On the very morning of the day I asked for a sign from her, I got one.  It was Sunday and I was doing my normal weekly chore, unloading my Sainsburys food shop.  I always opt for home delivery because it saves me time and I do love the banter with my local driver!

As I did this normal routine, my heart was heavy.  I was still really worried about my health and I had been crying a lot the night before.  As I opened the very last bag, my heart skipped a beat.  There was a big bunch of Spring daffodils inside.  I hadn’t ordered these during my online shop.   I have never ordered flowers in a food shop. I checked the receipt, they were on there, they cost £1 a bunch.  I looked at the bottom of the receipt and remembered that I had a voucher, £1 off my shopping for that week, which I had applied at the checkout point.  That voucher covered the cost of the flowers…..the flowers from nan, telling me that she is thinking of me.

However, a couple of weeks later, I was reading my friends latest blog post, who said she was really chuffed to find that Sainsbury’s had sent her a free bunch of spring daffodils in her home shop delivery that week.  Damn it!  Everyone got the flowers….it wasn’t a sign, well, so I thought!  About 3 days after my friend said about her flowers, I had had a tarot reading with my friend and fellow professional reader, Gaynor.  She gave me the most amazing reading and not only that, she linked up to my nan for me.  At the end of the reading, she said that nan wanted to let me know that she is there and that I must trust in her, especially when it comes to my spiritual work.  She said she is passing me a bunch of yellow flowers.  I couldn’t hide the smile from my face!

Now we can’t forget grandad in this.  On the Thursday evening of the same week, it was time for my circle development class at the Arthur Findlay college.  I am still at that new stage there, where everyone is total strangers, which is brilliant, especially when I get a reading.

A lady called Marie sat in front of me and connected to a male in spirit. She described him to me and I knew she had my grandad.  In her hand she had an oracle card, one that she had been given by the tutor, to help link the spirit to me.  The card said, “Trust in the Unknown”.

“He is telling you to do that. Don’t worry about the unknown, TRUST in the unknown.  He is giving me the name David(his son) and talking about him cutting bread(he had a very unique way of cutting a fresh new loaf, which makes me smile whenever I think about it), he also says you have radiant blue energy all around you(my guide is called Blue) and he is talking about you when you go to bed.  You lift off the two pillows on top of your bed and you have two special pillows you use(this is my exact routine every night –  my special pillows because I get reflux!).  He said he wants to be with you, especially in the work you do, he said he will be around you”. 

 

As you can imagine, I was thrilled with that reading.  But here is the part that makes me smile.  When I used to rent a treatment room that was connected to a hairdressing salon, I used to have a very whispy spider who sat in the corner of the room.  He was there for about 9 months!  (I thought spiders are supposed to have a ten-day lifespan?).   Everyone who knows me knows that I have a very bad fear of spiders. But I used to let this spider stay. I let him stay because I felt he was my granddads spirit (my grandad has given me a spider surprise on almost every special occasion since he died).  So when I left that room for good, I actually said farewell to my little friend, Mr spider aka grandad Frank.

After the reading with Marie, on the Saturday, I had a client in my treatment room (which is now at home) and as I placed my hands over her eyes, I was drawn to look in the corner of my room.  There was my whispy little friend, the same type of spider (which I haven’t seen since I was in my old treatment room 18 months ago).  I knew instantly it was grandad, just as Marie had said, being with me during my work.  I smiled at him and said he could stay, as long as he doesn’t come near my treatment couch.

I also got another strong sign from spirit that week, this time it was from Blue.

It was during that same night that I had my reading with Marie.

Some of us were chosen to stand up (in front of twenty others!) and do some inspirational speaking.  Each person had to get up and choose a stone from a small basket which had a word on it and then talk about what that word meant to them, words like gratitude or love.

When it was my turn, I picked up my stone with sweaty hands (I was so nervous!). I turned over the stone to see what my word was:

“Strength”………………..

What was I going to say?  What does strength mean to me, mean to anyone?  Then I remembered the card that Marie had for me “Trust in the Unknown”. So this is what I started with, I can’t remember exactly what I said to everyone, I believe it went a little like this:

“What is strength?  Strength is trust, its trust in the unknown.  We all need our own inner strength, to know we can depend on us, above all else, during our life’s journey. From the day we are born to the day we die, we will have our ups and downs, our hard days and our good days and the days in between, we will need inner strength to get us through….but we must know that we are supported, that someone or something has our back…ALWAYS, we are supported in this life by an unseen force, we must Trust In The Unknown”.

Until next time,

Tanya

Health Anxiety

 

Anxiety is a pretty awful thing to go through.  Some people throw the word around quite casually, they are a bit anxious about something and think they have anxiety.  I don’t want to take away the seriousness of their worries but actually having anxiety as a mental health condition is a different thing entirely. It can be deliberating, can wreak havoc with the individuals and their families lives and can take years to mentally overcome.

There are many different types of anxiety and as I am not a trained psychologist I’m going to do what I do best and that is talk about my own anxiety and what that feels like and suggestions I can put forward that may help you if you are in the same boat.

Firstly, why do we get anxiety?  I believe that we have a predisposition for it in our genes, or a bit of a personality trait that means that we have to be in control, all the time. The control thing is massive when it comes to anxiety because anxiety is another word for worry.

I also feel that we would have learned some behaviour from a parent that may or may not have realised that they are worry heads.  They may have wrapped us up in cotton wall because of their own self restricting fears.  Growing up there may have been one or both parents that are negative in nature and would tend to “catastrophise” things with no logical rationale behind it.

Anxiety can lay dormant for years and come out after a traumatic or life-changing event.  It can also manifest into different mental health conditions like depression and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – which I will blog about another time). For today’s’ post I want to focus on my own personal favourite topic of anxiety: health anxiety.  Honestly, I don’t think it was a thing until Google was invented (jokes).  I also don’t think it’s the same as Munchausen Syndrome (a factitious disorder in which a person deliberately acts as he or she is physically or mentally unwell when he or she is not really sick).  I do think however that it bubbles on the surface of hypochondria if anything.

Health anxiety is when you worry constantly at not only your own state of health but of those around you that you care deeply about.  Slight pain in the forehead?  That will be the onset of a stroke.  A left flank twinge?  Cervical cancer for sure.  The numbness in your right foot will be the stomach tumour that is pressing on your spinal column, absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you have worn slider sandals for the past three months due to the unprecedented heatwave……..ok I’m making this funny but if you have this disorder, it’s pretty damn awful.  You will utterly convince yourself that you are dying, all the time.

You will have a compulsion to symptom check every little ailment you “feel”. You will seek out statistics of cancer rates and risk factors and because your anxiety is a sneaky little bugger, it will deliberately on purpose home in on all the things you are experiencing. The compulsion is to actually find evidence that you do in fact have a life-threatening illness.  This is all irrational and completely fear driven.  Of course, it is.  But try telling that to your anxiety.

Stories in the newspaper, of particularly young people dying of cancer (cancer is a massive theme for the person with this type of anxiety), will be what you are drawn too.  “If it happened to them, then it could very well happen to me……..there is so much cancer these days, why is that…………its like cancer is out to get me, my family and friends………”

So, as you may have worked out from the above, I have experienced this type of anxiety first hand.  However, I haven’t got it as bad as some.  When I feel good, I feel on top of the world, with no worries what so ever.  But as soon as I get an odd symptom…it starts to creep in.

I have had a recent “health scare”.  After months (years!) of awful heavy and painful periods, I decided to go and get an internal scan done.

At the scan, the lovely female sonographer probably didn’t mean to scare the crap out of me, but she did.  To be honest, when you are the health worrier, you will look for every little sign to see if a health professional is lying to you and in fact covering up the fact they have just discovered you actually do have a terminal illness.

“Oh!  Endometriosis, can see it straight away” she said as she peered at the scan screen that was pointing toward her and not me (what’s she trying to hide?).  Oh my days….I’ve just been diagnosed with Endometriosis!!  From a scan…….ok, not life-threatening, will also explain why I have felt like I want to die each and every month……..wait is there more?

“Oh!!  I see two growths”…….wait “growth??” OK – real legitimate worry time about to commence……….

“These are called Polyps.  They are quite common (thank the lord) and are tissue growths in the uterine wall (stop saying growths!) and you need them out as one is growing, it’s very large (large growth, growing – wtf???) you need an operation”.

Jeeze.  Let’s fast forward to now – the day I write this blog.  It’s about ten days since my scan.  My consultant appointment with the Gynea is this evening and the fact that (thank the lord twice) I have private medical insurance, I reckon this operation will be done and dusted by May (here’s praying).  This is the good news, they have identified my problem.  The bad news is my anxiety has skyrocketed.

Remember, that I am a Holistic Therapist who helps others deal with stress, depression, anxiety…..I promote the law of attraction and the positive mental attitude required to hit difficult times in life, head on.

But when you start looking internally at your own life, at those that love and depend on you and the fact that you may have a very real, potentially very serious health condition, it changes everything in an instant for you. All those years I’ve spent worrying about having cancer and the awful truth is, I don’t know if I have it or not. Am I over-reacting?  Some women with uterine polyps have them removed and biopsied to find out that they have cancer.  This is rare. But it does happen.

The difference between me and someone without health anxiety is this:

The person without this anxiety will be rational.  They will take what the sonographer said as the truth and not think that actually, she lied to them and really she saw cancer but didn’t want to worry them.

They will not think that every phone call from the scan until the consultant appointment is the gynaecologist herself, calling to get them in “URGENTLY” as it appears they have cancer and need a lifesaving operation within hours.

They will not start thinking about the future with them not in it and how that will affect the lives of those they hold dearest……a thought that is too painful to put into words.

Of course they will be concerned, that goes without saying.  But they will be rational and objective, not irrational and subjective.  They would also say, well even in the very unlikely event that I have cancer, it doesn’t mean I am dead, it just means I need a different course of treatment….and a different perspective.

See, how did we get from uterine polyps to cancer in one blog post?  No one has even mentioned this word to me……but I Dr Googled my symptoms……it turns out that endometriosis and polyps have the same symptoms as womb cancer.

In my heart of heart, do I think I have it?  No.  But I do think this is a big old lesson for me, in terms of putting my health anxiety to bed, for good!  Yes, it is. Here is why.  For the first seven days of the ten day wait period between scan and consultant, I kept crying and totally freaking out.  This is the most I’ve worried in a very long time.  But then, during a Reiki treatment, I heard a voice in my head. I felt like it was Blue, my guide. This is what he said:

“You are absolutely fine.  You don’t have cancer, you know that.  You will KNOW when your time has reached its end on this life journey.  But, just because you have these abilities, the deep sense of intuition that not every person has, that doesn’t mean that you get off Scott free…..you will have many ups and downs that you need to learn and grow from….this is one of those down times but we are going to manage it and move past it”.

Since this moment I have felt so much better, even today, a few hours before my appointment.  It’s like someone is standing behind me, they have got my back and I feel it too.

I’m hoping this whole experience will put to bed my worries, as there is no point.  What is important is now, today, right this second, anything before that is just our imagination.

But what if health anxiety affects you?  Well, like with any type of anxiety, I want you to know that I feel your pain – I really really do.  There are ways to manage it though:

  • Write stuff down, all about what you are worried about. In fact write two columns, one with your irrational fears and the other one with the more logical rational thinking.   Anxiety and stress cause symptoms, headaches and stomach ache. So that is what the problem is more likely to be!
  • Keep busy, focussed and fulfilled. This will help you immensely.
  • Relax and manage your thoughts with techniques such as exercise, mindful meditation and doing something creative.
  • Talk to people to unload your worries but try not to seek constant reassurance, be your own therapist.
  • If you are undergoing tests for a legitimate health issue, DO NOT search on Google, especially on forums. You are not the same as the people on the forums.  Your body and condition are unique to you.
  • Speak to your GP or look on the Mind website if you do feel you need external support: https://www.mind.org.uk

Until next time,

Tanya

Boy Against A Wall

I have read in the past that other mediums have put their total faith in their spirit team when going out on the platform.  This is public speaking with no script.  The trust required to do this is immeasurable….

On 2ndJune 2019 I will be going out on the platform for the very first time.  The audience will be told that I am a fledgeling, but this doesn’t ease my nerves.  There will be pressure, the pressure to deliver evidence of spirit survival to grieving people, the pressure to not let my fellow mediums down that have invited me to share the stage with them, the pressure to be good enough to perhaps one day be asked to go back…..

My friend and mediumship mentor, Emma, has kindly set up some practice nights for me and Jess, another friend and medium who will be taking her fledgeling night in May.  Emma has arranged a series of evenings at her house where we can practice platform with strangers.

On the first of these nights, I turned up at Emma’s house realising that I hadn’t given that evening a moments thought all day.  Now that I was here, the nerves began to kick in.  If I am nervous now, what the hell am I going to be like on the 2nd of June?

Before I knew it, the four ladies had arrived and I was the first one up. God, my mind went blank and I struggled to form a link with the first spirit.  I did eventually, but it was clunky.  It was a man, he had a job to do with postal workers, he was very lonely and didn’t have the best end to his life.  One of the ladies raised her hand.  Even though I didn’t feel my evidence was amazing, the message he gave me was good though.  He showed me a glass table, like a small coffee table.  He was indicating that she should do something with that table like it had particular significance.  She understood why and told me after that she had put some fresh flowers on the glass table that day, to remind her of her husband who had died a few years previously.

My second link took ages to make a connection with the group of ladies (who all knew each other).  This lady died of cancer and knew them from work.  They took her, after what felt like forever.  Her message was for her daughter, to let her know she was okay…….

After feeling like I wanted to give up, that I was never going to be at the level I wanted to be at, I suddenly saw a young guy, leaning against a brick wall and kind of smirking at me.  He was so casual, so laid back, his arms were folded and he had one leg up, bent against the wall.

I looked at the row of faces in front of me and stopped at the second lady from the right, she had black rimmed glasses on but I could see behind her eyes were the same as this young lads.

I focussed back on the young man, I could clearly see that he had what looked like acne on his face.

I took a big breath and addressed the group:

“I have a young lad here, I don’t think he made it past twenty.  He is a real character, I can see that just from looking at him.  Can anyone take a young guy?”  I asked.

The lady with the glasses raised her hand.  I smiled inside.

“He looks like you!  Except, his skin, he has acne, sorry to say that!”

She nodded her head yes.

“He is giving me the name Adrian does that mean anything to you?”

She laughed out loud.  “Yes!! This is my dad’s name, except hardly anyone knows.  My dad hated the name Adrian so he changed it to Paul. I can’t believe he told you that!” she said.

I remarked again how much this young man looked like the lady.

“He must be your son?” I asked.  “You are like twins!!” I said excitedly.

“No, he was my brother” she smiled at me and I understood the connection.

This young man was cheeky and so full of life.  They were so alike, their mannerisms…….I told her some more things about him.  I wanted to know how he died but he wouldn’t tell me, because it was too upsetting. This is a first, I thought.

Once I had said goodbye to him, the lady gave me some feedback.

She said that her brother died before his twenty-first birthday.  He had an awful illness from birth, which caused terrible boils to appear all over this face.  It was too sad, to upsetting to go into.  She understood why he wouldn’t want too.

I was so grateful he came in (apparently he does a lot!).

I sighed some relief that night.  That was the type of evidence I wanted….perhaps this is the right path after all.

Until next time,

Tanya

Adalyn – Part One

 

I glance down the narrow bus aisle and adjust my eyes to the view up ahead.  My contact lenses hate the transition from short-sighted book words to long sighted night vision.  I can see my stop approaching.  It’s amazing how your mind habitually knows the twists and turns of a familiar route whilst at the same time you are engrossed in another world.

Two button presses later and I am edging my way along the aisle, bumping bag against seat sides as I make my way down and out of the bus.

The night is fresh, noisy and smells of Doner Kebab.  As I walk along the footpath I fumble into my bag to find my ear pods.

Once settled into my stride after I have hit shuffle on my iTunes I go back into my own world for my final leg of the commute until I’m home.

Katsu curry…..how do you make the chicken?  I’m sure you get the breast, coat in mayo and then dip in panko breadcrumbs.  I guess I could cheat and use a bag of chicken nuggets……that would be quick.  Nah, do it from scratch, Dillon will know the difference.  Ok, I will stop at the One Stop and grab some fresh chicken, oh and maybe some more mayo……..

I don’t know what comes first. The intake of air or the feeling that I can’t get the air out.  It’s the air out part, I can’t breathe, I can’t get the air out.  A memory from school, being winded by the football.  I remember this, winded.  I can’t take the air in….I can’t breathe.  It was so quick, the shock on my back, the rudeness of the shove, no it wasn’t a shove it was something stronger, it was violent, something hard and heavy and evil has hit my back……ear pods flying, i-phone turning so slowly, my bag, my things….the cold concrete, the pain, so much pain.  In the distance, I hear a siren……that was quick.

I have never been so afraid. I know I am hurt.  I know I am badly, badly hurt.  This is how it will end for me.  All those years of wondering how my time would come, now I know.  The feeling of knowing almost gives me relief. The pain, I feel red all over me. The pain starts to change as another pain hurts more.  I see my mums face.  I can smell her hair.  I am little, she is big, her hand is on my cheek.  I feel safe there, it’s familiar.  How can she be here?  This quickly?

“Adalyn?”, she is stroking my hand.  I squeeze her fingers.

“Mum” I hear myself speak even though my lips feel strange.

“Stand up, come on, stand up”, she pulls me.  Surely I can’t stand?  Not after that, that thing hit my back.  There was too much pain for standing…..wait, the pain has gone.

I feel myself stand but the motion is so fast that I become dizzy.  I am lighter. It’s an odd sensation.  I must have hit my head pretty badly.

“Mum, what happened to me?”

“It’s okay, just follow me, come on,” she said, I see her face turn, her hair is longer.  Wait, her hair?  That’s not my mum’s hair.  She pulls me along the road.  Her hair is catching the night breeze and it is flowing and long, golden, so golden….it makes me feel safe again.  I have never seen that hair, in photos maybe but not this hair.

“Mum?” I say, turning my head to look behind me.

“Don’t look, come this way, come…….” She says as she turns and our eyes meet.

I take another sharp intake of the night air.  She has my mother’s eyes but this is not my mother.

“Who are you?” I hear myself shout this.

“I am Anouk.  Come, let’s go” she says as she pulls harder on my arm.

I feel the urge to look behind again.  I move my weightless head and stop.  Stillness, my stillness.  My body lying on the concrete.  A police car with a dent on the bonnet, lights still flashing.  A police officer clutching my floppy hand with tears in his eyes.  He is crying for me.  My breath catches in my throat.  He is crying for me.  I want to hold him back.

“Let’s go Adalyn”, she pulls again. I look forward and follow her flowing golden locks.

 

To be continued.

 

Until next time,

 

Tanya

Professional Tarot Reader

This year I am delving into the world of professional Tarot Reading on full throttle!  It has slowly but very surely been picking up, with more and more reading requests as the year progresses.

At the end of March, myself and a friend organised another local Mind, Body & Spirit event in our home town.

As well as being the co-organiser, I also have my own stall for 15-minute tarot reading sessions.  I did this for the first time at the last event back in September and sat with 7 clients.  This time there were at least 17 in one day.  For a newbie, this is quite a lot!

It’s a weird feeling when you are doing these types of events.  I get nervous, excited and not really sure where the day will take me.  You can have anyone sit at your table.  Sometimes they feel drawn to you, some are very happy, others are in a world of sorrow and pain and need deep healing.

I went through an array of emotions from sitter to sitter….in fact I was in an energetic bubble, I had no idea what was going on outside of my table, I had friends and family that had come to see me but all I could muster was a quick wave if I saw them at all.

By lunchtime (I didn’t get to eat – I forgot to block out a lunch break on my appointment sheet and by the time I did stand up to go and buy a sandwich, the food area shutters had gone down) my appointment sheet was full until the end of the day!

What was happening?  Why was I getting so many this time, was it because I looked busy?  I started to think that and then each reader would sit down and say “I have come on the recommendation of my friend who just had a reading from you”…..and then the penny dropped.  They like my readings!  I finally had a moment of clarity that would push my self-doubt to the back of my mind.

I have a real issue with the ego in any form of spiritual work.  In this business, you meet a lot of people who have what they feel is a gift from God and they literally float around like they are incredibly special people.  This makes me feel very uncomfortable.  I do not believe that anyone should feel they are “the chosen one”.  Some people’s spidey senses just reach a bit further than others, it’s like some people are better at sports or the arts than others, that is all.  No need to have a god complex.  So because of this I always worry about the ego.

But as I am learning, there is a difference between ego and self-worth/confidence.  As I sat there, reading those cards, communicating my strong intuitions on the sitter’s life journey at that current time, it hit me that not everyone can do this.  I have a skill that not many people I know possess, and that is nothing to feel big-headed about, it’s to feel proud of.

I’ve spent twenty years learning the meanings of 78 cards.  I’ve spent the best part of 5 years developing my psychic intuition to allow me to take those meanings further and deeper.  This is my dedication and my talent rolled into one.  So, of course, I deserve that many people at my table because I am helping them and that’s all I want to do, help them.

On that day I went from wondering if I could really do this to walking out the door feeling like this is my job now.  There was something else that happened too.

I was suddenly saying it how it is, without worrying about causing offence.  Don’t get me wrong, I have always been honest in every tarot reading I have ever conducted however I have always been cautious and protective of my client’s feelings.  On that Sunday, I suddenly had balls that I didn’t realise I have!  Of course, remaining professional yet assertive at all times.  Here is an example:

A lady sat down at my table telling me that she had never had a reading before.  This is always a good thing as they are an open book however there is also a lot more pressure.  I made sure she knew what type of reading this is.

“This is a tarot reading, which means I am tuning in to your life, your energy on a psychic level.  This isn’t mediumship so I won’t be connecting to any spirits today.  Is that okay?” I asked, she said yes and eagerly sat down.

Now with the cards, normally the first one or two start to give you an indication of what is happening in the person’s life.  I always start by talking about the meaning of the cards and then start to build the story with my own interpretations of their meanings.  Every tarot reader should ask questions.  Popular to contrary belief, they are not cold reading by asking questions.  The reason for a question, as an example, is that they can feel male energy in the particular situation and they need to place him, he could be the son, brother or husband.  So a quick “are we talking about your husband here?” can help the reader to then really delve into the situation.  Of course, you will get the reader who needs no cards or deviation props whatsoever and will sit there and basically reel off loads of stuff about your life, this ability is rare and what I have found in my experience is that they are no holds bar psychics which will tell you someone will die in your family in the next 12 months (this has happened to me, it was horrendous and very unprofessional.).  I am not that type of reader.  I do hit on lots of stuff that I would not be privy of knowing, for example, I’ve read for a lady and I could see a hairdryer floating above her head, I asked if she was a hairdresser and she confirmed she was.  But on the most part, we do need a bit of dialogue with our sitters.

Not with this lady!  She said in front of me and shook her head “no” to everything I said.  That’s interesting, I thought.  These cards are strong emotions, in all the years I have had someone in front of me, they have never said no like that.  I tried and tried and tried and all she did was shake her head and look puzzled.  I realised very quickly that this could be because of three potential reasons:

  • She was worried about opening up her private life to a stranger. She had never had a reading before so didn’t really know what it meant.
  • She was testing the reader. A sceptic who believes that you don’t have to answer and that the reader must know every single detail of your life to be a real psychic.
  • She was in some sort of denial to these situations, she probably needed help more than anyone that came to me that day.

After re-shuffling and dare I say it, feeling like I was losing my patience with this woman just a little bit, I asked her to ask me a question, because that should mean we get an answer that she can make sense off.

“Is my sister happy?” she asked.

Ok, I thought, I shuffled the cards and asked the question in my head. I could see from the card result that she hadn’t seen her sister in a long time, there was no communication. So I told her this.

“Well my sister is dead!” she said.  I took a big, prolonged sigh and then collected my cards up.

“This isn’t a mediumship reading. I am not linking to spirit”.  I said.

“Well I didn’t know that!” she said.  Clearly, she didn’t really understand anything I had explained to her before she said down.

I smiled kindly at her.  “I’m very sorry but I can’t read for you today. I won’t charge you, perhaps you should speak to either the lady next to me or the reader at the end, they can link to your sister.  Have a lovely day” I said smiling at her.  She thanked me and stood up “perhaps it’s me,” she said as she walked away.

I felt proud of myself for telling her that I would not be reading for her on that day.  I also realised that yes, it probably is her or something meant our energies were not linking at that time.  Out of 17 readings that day, she was the only blank face that I got. Everyone else was on the same page, hit after hit of information and intuitive guidance to help them at this time.

When I packed up that day, even though I was dizzy, hungry and exhausted, I felt like I was walking on air. This is the best job in the world!

Tanya Tarot

Until next time,

Tanya

What Does The Afterlife Look Like?

During a recent mediumship reading with a friend, I was given an amazing opportunity to see a glimpse of where her dad is now currently residing.  He left his physical “human” body over twenty years ago and now lives an active life in the spirit world.

This was the first time during a mediumship reading that I have been shown what it’s like on that side of the consciousness divide.

Buzzing very fast on a high vibrational energetic frequency, we cannot see this other world through our physical human eyes but we can penetrate it with our thoughts and feelings and it’s what I and other mediums connect too when we are giving spirit communication.

We also visit there when “dreaming” and people who are able to astral project will often visit this place, which is commonly termed the astral realm, the one closest to our human conscious experience here on Earth.

I have seen this place when having strong lucid dreams.  I’ve seen my holiday home (it’s nice!!) and my grandparents live in a narrow, tall house with a sea view so my grandad can visit the beach and it’s also close to the pub that my Uncle David still likes to frequent (yes you can still do that stuff when you “die”….but more about that in another post!).

Getting back to my friend’s dad, this is what he showed me:

It was a stunning grand building, which had very high airy ceilings with a gigantic window on the far wall, the window was shaped like the type of long windows you get in churches but it was huge, the window was the wall really.  Outside was a vast and stunning landscape of rolling hills and a vibrant blue sky.

Inside the walls of this giant room (more like a hall) were golds and yellows and there was a grand, shiny open backed piano in the centre, tables all around with people having lunch or drinking tea. It was busy, I could hear chatter and laughter.

My friend’s dad said he liked to go there with his mum, also in spirit.  He told me that back in his Earthly life, he couldn’t have afforded to go to places like this because it was reserved for the upper classes only and as the Afterlife has no material monetary barriers or restrictions, he can visit there as often as he and his mum would like.

He said that during his time as a human he loved films and special effect movies however, the special effects on Earth are nothing in comparison to what can be achieved on the other side. He gave me an example, by saying that his grandson Oliver (my friend’s son) would love the dinosaur special effects in the spirit world, he said they are absolutely incredible!  My friend fed back to me after the reading that her son Oliver was going on a school trip that day to a dinosaur-themed park!  She did not mention this at all before the reading!

I have done extensive research over the years with regards to peoples accounts of what the Afterlife actually looks like.  I have read so much material from Near Death Experiences, Astral Projection Accounts and Mediums themselves.  The fact that I am now getting an insight myself only validates and strengthens my core belief of what the place is like that we will all reside in once we pop our Earthly clogs!

I find something else happens to me sometimes that is a bit on the strange side……every now and again I get a reminder of my true home, your true home too: the other side.

It is when I am walking in nature, normally when I am standing in green fields in the countryside.  It’s like a have this very strong recognition, it’s a knowing that I can’t put into words, it’s a memory, a far off, distant but not forgotten memory that this is what my home looks like.  It’s a feeling of comfort and warmth and complete and utter security.  When I see it, I get so excited as I know that is what heaven looks like.

I also have a memory that does not belong to me here, on this Earth journey.  I also don’t believe that it is from a past life.  I believe it is a memory of the spirit world.  It’s a house, a large, detached house, about 4 bedrooms. There is a feeling that a motherly figure is in this house with me but she isn’t my mum here on Earth (that isn’t to say that my mum and I will not be together when we die and that she isn’t my mum).

In this house, I can see my bedroom and the beauty that lies beyond the window outside.  The more I meditate on this memory the more it comes into my view.

I’ve decided to try and really connect to it and save it for another blog post.  Who knows where it could take me?

Until next time,

Tanya

Hogwarts!

Hogwarts

At the beginning of February 2019, I finally took the plunge and decided, along with two friends to start the open mediumship development circle at the Arthur Findlay College at Stansted Hall.

I’ve written about the college before in previous blog posts, but to summarise, the college is purely for the study of psychic & mediumship development and attracts students from all over the world, including some of the most famous historic mediums to date.

Since 2015, I have attended local circles, the last one being a closed home circle.  A home circle is a fantastic place to start learning your craft (so to speak!), a safe environment where you feel comfortable and it doesn’t matter if you make mistakes because it is understood that it’s a learning environment.

There is a lot I could talk about regarding the development of mediumship (mediumship being the ability to communicate with spirits), however for the point of this blog I will highlight the biggest and most challenging aspect of it for most mediums: the ability to differentiate between what you are thinking in your own conscious mind versus what spirit is sending you to translate to your sitter.  Translate literally means to understand the images, feelings and words you are receiving during the communication.

Trusting in what you are getting from the spirit is pretty much the key to it all really, doubt is not your friend during your learning process.

When we left the home circle at the beginning of the year, what we were most afraid of is getting stuff wrong.  To me, personally, it’s the responsibility that mediumship holds that weighs heavily on my shoulders.  Not only because there are thousands of fraudsters out there who cold read people, not only because there are many highly sceptical individuals who would go out of their way to try and have you exposed for being one of those fraudsters (this is a job for some people, which is fantastic work to find the scammers but if you are a legitimate human being who can talk to dead people, they are also out to get you too), the biggest responsibility for me is that you are talking to someone who is grieving.  If I get the message wrong, or not clear enough, or just too “general” then I am doing that person a disservice.  If there is one thing I can’t stomach and that is doing a bad job of something I am supposed to be doing well.  I have always said that if it turns out that I am an average medium with mediocre evidence, then that’s where it stays, I progress no longer.  I’m only putting this effort in to develop if it means that I can give a sitter some of the best evidence they will ever receive from a medium.  That is not an egotistical statement.  It’s my ethical and moral standpoint on the subject.  After over 3 years of development, I’m still at the early stages with this.  Time hasn’t unfolded yet in terms of reaching the level I seek.  But there will be a cut off period for me, I will know if and when I have reached it.  (I would like to mention at this point that Psychic tarot readings are not the same as mediumship readings.  I can read Psychic very well, which is what I do during tarot readings.  I’ve also given some amazingly accurate mediumship evidence, but this is sporadic, but it’s those snippets of information that keep me going on my journey).

So all that said, earlier in 2019 it was our time to graduate from mediumship primary school and to move on to a big school, or Hogwarts as I like to call it! (After showing my little girl photographs of the gothic exterior of the college, she is pretty convinced I fly off on a broomstick every Thursday night to class!).

On the first night of class, we were all so nervous.  I had seen photos of the college but had no idea how spectacular it looked in real life, in stunning grounds, huge iron doors, I felt like we were stepping back in time when we arrived.

My nerves notched up a level when I saw the circle was more like an oblong, there were loads of people attending, unlike the small intimate circles we were used too.

The lady who was taking this particular class was pretty incredible.  What I mean by that is, she had an aura of energy around her that I was instantly attracted too, a kindness and healing feeling, she had an amazing way of telling you things that allowed you to understand the exact point she was trying to make.  For example, on this class she wanted us to “feel” our way into connecting to the person sitting in front of us and then to allow the spirit to connect to that feeling, creating the link so we could start to deliver the evidence that the spirit was with us.

I was paired off with a lovely older gentleman, who told me he had been coming to circle for a couple of years. I think he could tell I was nervous and offered to go first, thank goodness!  He connected to my grandad and gave me some lovely evidence, nothing mind-blowing (but who is judging?!) but it was a nice reading and I thanked him.

Now it was my turn.  I remembered what the tutor had said about feeling the energy.  With my mediumship, I find the hardest part is establishing the link.  If I have a strong spirit who on Earth would have had big energy, that makes life a lot easier, but most people are not like that, so you really do have to try hard to connect on the link.

I looked at the chap sitting opposite me.  What did I feel when I looked at him?  Music notes, that’s what I felt, soft music all around him.  He felt like music.

“I feel music all around you…” as soon as the words came out of my mouth I saw a little (quite short in fact) lady in my mind’s eye.  She had a grandmotherly feel but also she would have mothered this man as he grew up. This lady was a force to be reckoned with, she may have been small but she was the head of the family for sure! The music connection was also to her, I could see scores and films and an orchestra.  I feed this back and the man smiled.  He told me that his grandmother had brought him up like a mother. She was small in stature but was the matriarch of the family.  She was in a choir and would sing in different musical shows.   There was some other personal stuff I fed back to him and all in all he was really chuffed with his reading.

All three of us had a fantastic night and realised with sincere thanks and gratitude that our old circle teacher had helped us so much over the last couple of years.  Our evidence was very good, not just generic “grandad liked a drink down the pub” stuff, but some real facts about the people who had passed on.

It was my second night, the following week, at Hogwarts that really got my juices flowing!  We had a fabulous speaker who was talking about being in the Power.  What does this mean?  I never really knew until that night.  Basically, its when we sit and connect to our higher self, a deep feeling of meditation and sitting with ourselves, our guides, our spirit team, its where we connect back to the source of our living energy force.

Our tutor wanted us to connect to the sitter, on a soul level.  This is deeper than reading someone psychically.  If you read someone psychically, you can feel what they did that day (seriously you wouldn’t believe how many women are thinking about shoes!), or you pick up on some feelings like an argument may have happened, they feel red/fiery or sad and upset.  The soul connection is different, this is about the person’s life journey, their hopes, fears, dreams…the core of who they are.  You need permission to read someone’s soul.

I sat in front of a lovely lady called Helen, who proceeded, after my permission, to read my soul journey. I can hand down say it was one of the most accurate readings I have ever had.  Helen was phenomenal.  She knew I used my hands to heal, she could feel my ambitions and my dreams, that is truly unique to me.

When it was my turn I took a deep breath and trusted that I could do this.  Once I was into Helen’s energy I just accepted the visions that came and allowed them to tell a story.  I felt that Helen was also a healer but in a different sense, hers was mental, she healed through her knowledge and also through words, people listened to her and her advice.  I also said some other personal things.  After Helen told me that she is a counsellor/therapist, so talks to heal people and that the personal stuff I mentioned was so accurate, she was really pleased with what I picked up.

At this point, I was buzzing! It was time to sit in the circle again and our tutor wanted us to all meditate and get into the power, observing who we felt around us whilst we did it.  She turned on the music and we all closed our eyes.  We must have sat there for ten minutes or so when I finally started to relax, I felt my guide, Blue, standing behind me.  Then I saw him looking at a vast landscape, with green mountains and a stunning deep blue sea.  He sat down, literally on my lap so I could feel that my hands were no longer on my jeans, they were now on his blue robes.  Blue has his namesake because of his blue eyes, his blue robe and the blue light that I have now started to see every so often, it flashes past my eyes or I can see it when I close my eyes.  I don’t talk about this blue energy to anyone.

When it was time to come back to the room, our tutor went around each individual person to talk about their experience.  To my utter amazement, she could identify who the person had with them during their own very personal meditation experience.  When it was my turn, she told me I had a man standing behind me. “Yes, that’s my guide, he sat on top of me!” I said as the others laughed.

The tutor nodded then said “Yes, I saw him too, and his blue light energy.  Blue all around you.  It will be interesting to see where that blue energy is going to take you, Tanya”………..

Until next time,

Tanya