Visualising The Dream

I was recently talking to a lovely client during our one to one Law Of Attraction course and we stumbled upon something that both did and actually did not surprise us in equal measure.  How many people do you know of, have had a dream or vision about their future and actually set out and achieved it, before giving up in the process or worse still, not even starting?  We figured that the number of not starting is probably the highest.

There has to be a reason for that.  It also depends on what the person’s idea of a dream is, to me, it isn’t necessarily something of material worth.  It’s about a personal achievement of me actively making something happen that I have thought about often, that has filled me with excitement, passion and most of all, purpose.  Success is not a measurement of how much stuff or money you have, success is a measurement of how happy and content you feel in yourself and your life and if you don’t’ feel that, success is about doing something about it.

Is it ever too late to try and achieve your dream?  Perhaps if you are 87 and really wanted to run the marathon and have never run in your life, perhaps, but for most things, I don’t think it is ever too late to change how you feel and look at your life, to achieve a sense of happiness and fulfilment that perhaps you didn’t before.

I am fortunate in that I have always been very goal orientated (and good at visulising what I want), I am motivated and my will power isn’t’ too bad (depending on what it is for!) so having all these attributes do help me to try and reach for what I want in life, however, it can also have its downside in that the pressure I put on myself is very strong and I can find failure hard to swallow although I must say I now see it as the learning curve in which it is, the most important thing is always getting back on the horse.

If you find there is something in your life that you have thought about but haven’t’ started or haven’t fully achieved yet, I want to give you some small tips on what I do to stay in the flow of productivity with my plans, especially when day to day stuff comes into play, outside influences and even things like hormones that stop you feeling your mojo:

Get Excited

If it doesn’t fill your heart with a burst of enthusiasm, joy and passion, was it ever a dream in the first place?  The feeling of wanting something so much should be your main driver when trying to achieve something.  Feelings add a power to thoughts that can be very strong indeed.  If you have a burning desire to do something, be hell bent on that dream and don’t’ let any negative talk down (from yourself or others) ever get in your way.  You have to be determined!


Build A Vision Board

Create a board that has pictures, images and quotes of what you want to achieve and place it somewhere you can see it each day.  You will be amazed at how this helps you to bring in your vision faster.  When you see something every day, the thing you want, it makes you feel so good and it encourages you to “feel” about it, not only “think” about it.

Do A Little Every Day

To achieve your goal, you must show up every single day, even if it’s just for 30 minutes. Showing up means doing something toward your goal that will help create opportunities towards it and showing up also means that you must have the confidence to take the opportunities when they present themselves.  Comfort zone and dream achievement are rival enemies by the way.  Nothing is going to fall into your lap, you must go to it.

Be Kind On Yourself

Yes, there is no denying that being an optimistic and happy person helps you in life but we cannot have this mindset everyday, if fact I would go so far to say that if you do not feel negative emotions from time to time then that isn’t actually healthy. No-one is perfect, we are human and we should be feeling a range of emotions.  It’s how you pull yourself back up that is important but do have compassion on yourself if you have a day or days that you can’t be bothered, just promise that you will show up again once you are feeling better.

Appreciate the Contrast

If you haven’t got what you want yet, don’t focus on the lack of what you don’t have, appreciate what you do have, feel gratitude for all your many blessings.  Appreciating the contrast means that you are kind on yourself, you make realistic deadlines and don’t expect Rome to be built in a day.    Track the progress you do make and applaud yourself for that, once you are in the energy of creating your dreams, you will be amazed at what the Universe provides to help push them into reality.

If this has interested you and you would like to learn more about my positive law of attraction courses, do drop me an email as I would love to connect:

Until next time,

Tanya Short

Tanya's Tarot Photo

Who am I?  I am Tanya, an almost 40-year-old psychic medium, professional tarot reader, reiki master and author.  I run a Holistic Practice at my home town in Essex and I love to teach the Positive Law Of Attraction and to write about my really awesome experiences during my crazy yet amazing spiritual journey!  Find me at: (FB: @OraHolisticWellbeing) (FB: @Tanya’sTarot)

My Dream Link

Even after being in touch with the spirit world from a little girl and after formally developing for around five years, I still don’t feel confident enough to charge clients for a mediumship reading.  I have always said that sub-standard mediumship will never be an avenue for me. If I am going to do this, it has to be solid, evidential validation that life continues after death.  It’s not only that I am a perfectionist with most of what I do, but it is to do with helping a grieving person.  I don’t want to leave them with a shadow of a doubt that their loved one is reaching out to them.  So, I continue to learn, study and practice the art of mediumship.

One way to practice is to have volunteers come and see me for a reading.  I’ve been trying to do at least one practice reading a week (so I can also fit in my therapy work, courses and tarot readings). The last session I had with a very lovely volunteer, was the kind of level of mediumship I’m looking for.  It wasn’t just the names that were correct, it was more about the story.  But let me start from the beginning:

Our appointment was scheduled at 9.30am on a Friday morning.  On that very morning, before I awoke to start the day, I was having a vivid dream.  In that dream, a young man came to visit me, for an appointment.

“I’m here to see your client” he said, casually.  In my dream, I shuffled some papers around and then looked at the time.

“Oh you are early, she isn’t coming until 9.30am”.

“Ok, no probs, I will go for breakfast, is there anywhere that does good eggs around here?” he asked, with an infectious energy that I liked.

“Yeah sure, the café across the road.  See you a bit later!” I shouted as he breezed out of the door and I continued with what I was doing (I was in some sort of village hall on a high street).

When I woke up, I wondered if that man has anything to do with that morning’s client? I had a feeling he was my first link.

When my client came, I asked her if she knew a youngish man in spirit.  Now my interpretation of young can sometimes be out a little.  I said to her, did she know a man who didn’t get past 50.  She said her dad died when he was 30.  I instantly knew this guy was her dad, but I feel she needed much more validation.

So, I linked in with him again, and I started to obtain information about him (how do you link in?  You sit, close your eyes and ask for him to come forth, waiting for any visions or symbols or feelings in your body, ready for you to interpret).  Now, my client would have only been four years old when her dad died.  So, her memories were limited.  I did nonetheless get some information on him and we recorded the session and she let her mum have a listen, who confirmed that we had her deceased husband there (one key piece of information was how he died, I asked him in my mind and I was drawn to put my hand over my heart, he died of a heart attack).

The exciting thing about this is as follows:

  • As I’ve always suspected, we do connect to family and friends who have died whilst we sleep. Some remember it, some do not.

  • That the spirit knows that she was coming to see me, there is some sort of appointment system going on that side of the veil, as there is this side.

Something even more amazing came out of that reading.  I connected to my client’s grandfather.  It was quite clear that this man had been estranged from his daughter (my client’s mum) as she grew up.  He felt regretful, sorry and irresponsible.  He also mentioned that he had another child, a son, that no one knew about.  Obviously, this is big news, but it just flowed off my tongue, this was more of a knowing, I just knew.  My client had absolutely no idea, she stressed that her mum had never said anything about an uncle, but she promised to check all the same.

That evening, I received a text from my client.  She couldn’t believe it, her mum confirmed that she did in-fact have a half-brother that my client had no idea about, her mum’s estranged dads’ other child. I have to say; I was pretty elated by this!  This is what it tells us:

  • As mediums, we are often suspected as having strong telepathy skills and being able to read the minds of others, therefore not connecting to a spirit but actually reading the memories of the sitter.  This cannot be the case with my client, she had no idea that her grandfather had another child, that she had a half-uncle.  Her grandfather knew her mum knew though, and he was right!

There was more great evidence, that my client kindly fed back to me after our session. Good evidence depends on lots of factors, how good and confident the spirit is at communicating, how clear your guide is at facilitating, how you are able to read clearly the signs, symbols, images, feelings and thoughts being projected on to you as the medium.

My development continues on this fascinating path, hopefully I will have more interesting accounts to share with you in the coming months!

Until next time,

Tanya Short

Tanya's Tarot Photo

Who am I?  I am Tanya, an almost 40-year-old psychic medium, professional tarot reader, reiki master and author.  I run a Holistic Practice at my home town in Essex and I love to teach the Positive Law Of Attraction and to write about my really awesome experiences during my crazy yet amazing spiritual journey!  Find me at: (FB: @OraHolisticWellbeing) (FB: @Tanya’sTarot)



You have probably heard of “clairvoyance” and may have thought that’s what being psychic is.  What most people don’t know is that clairvoyance is just one way of connecting to spirit.  Clairvoyance is “clear seeing” pictures, symbols and words in your mind when you are picking up on intuitive information.  There are other clairs: clairaudient (clear-hearing) and clairsentient (clear knowing / feeling) amongst other types of clairs.

On the mediumship workshop I recently went on, our teacher showed me the difference between these three clairs.  I understood the difference between seeing a picture in my mind and hearing my name being called when there isn’t a human in sight, but I would always get confused about the clairsentient one.

When we go on mediumship development workshops and courses, it always amazes me how spirit is totally in the energy with regards to what is being taught, for which pupil and what they will learn, depending where they are on their learning journey.

On the Saturday, when it was my turn to take the stand and connect to spirit in front of my audience, it went badly.  I was getting mixed messages; unclear information and it was confusing.  My teacher stood up and linked into my energy to see who I had from the spirit world.  “You have three men here, that’s why you are getting confused”.  Wow.  I had no idea.  This was a perfect example of the clairs, as I could see one but was feeling another.

On Sunday, during practice, all of us were challenged with this very concept.  We all struggled in our own ways until we grasped what the teacher was trying to show us.

I was the last one up on Sunday, and finally, it all clicked into place and I did indeed make sense of everything.  I’m going to explain to you how I did that:

On standing up, I connected to a gentleman, who I could describe by what he looked like and the type of man he was, his personality, there were some other facts I knew about him too.  I could see him in my mind’s eye, it’s like a memory of someone you know, a bit sketchy, but there none the less.  My tutor could take him as her grandfather. Then I started to feel like someone else, a quieter, more gentle soul, so I described him, and my tutor could confirm that of her father.  So, I could see her grandad in my mind (clairvoyance) however, I could feel her father, like he was me (clairsentience).  With clairsentience, a tingling in your left leg would indicate that the person had problems with their leg or was missing a limb.  Pain in the head might indicate a brain tumor, I normally get tingling in my feet if the person had trouble with walking, I have even had the room spin and felt vomit in my throat when connecting to a spirit who had unfortunately choked on her vomit after being drunk.

Back to my reading, not only did I have the tutor’s father and grandfather (who both gave fantastic evidence, they even named her husband!), I suddenly saw a chap that looked remarkably like Einstein.  So, keeping grandad “over there” in my mind, and keeping her father with me (feeling), I then used clairvoyance again to look at this main and connect with him in more detail.  I told my tutor that this gentleman not only had mad hair like Einstein, he also had a mind like him too, I’m talking mega intelligence.  I said some other bits and then after the session, my tutor gave me some feedback.

She told me that the chap who looked like Einstein is actually still alive.  He has had dementia for many years, he is quite old and resides in a nursing home. Before his illness, my tutor and he were great friends.  With his grey, professor style, sticking up white hair, he was an inventor and created thousands of new ideas and inventions during this lifetime.  Not only was this remarkable, what is very interesting here is that I am not the only medium to pick up on this man, thinking that he had passed over.  My tutor explained that if a person is suffering from a degenerative brain disease and they don’t appear to be communicating to us here at all, they are actually in both dimensions, the spirit world and here, Earth.  This would also explain death bed experiences where the person dying starts to see and welcome old family and friends that have died.

It was an amazing weekend for me, I learned so much and I can’t wait to use these techniques as I continue on my mediumship journey.

Until next time,


Who am I?  I am Tanya, an almost 40-year-old psychic medium, professional tarot reader, reiki master, and author.  I run a Holistic Practice at my home town in Essex and I love to teach the Positive Law Of Attraction and to write about my really awesome experiences during my crazy yet amazing spiritual journey!  Find me at: (FB: @OraHolisticWellbeing) (FB: @Tanya’sTarot)

Spirit Team

Recently, I spent the weekend with a truly legendary pioneer from the mediumship world.  She taught me so much in a relatively short space of time that I feel truly grateful.  There is a lot I can write about so I’m going to break this into two sections, this week I’m going to talk about the spirit team.

We all have a spirit team, a group of guides and teachers, some whom we have never met, that reside in the afterlife/spirit world/astral dimension or whatever you like to call the place we go to when we die.

I have been aware of my main guide, Blue, for a number of years now and my Nan, Rosemary is also a working member of my team.

At the weekend, I met another 3 (potentially 4!) members of my team, they each have a role to play in my work for spirit.

I’m going to tell you a little about each of them here and what their jobs are:

Blue: I call him this because of his piercing blue eyes and the blue robes he wears.  He has walked the Earth before and likes to present himself as an Asian Monk.  I have dreamt about him in the past and a medium confirmed who he was for me.  When I’m doing psychic work, I close my eyes and often see a blue light flash through the darkness, this is Blues vibration as he begins to work with me.  He is incredibly funny, and he often jokes when I ask him questions, he is my guide for life and is one of my closest, he is my main spiritual guide.  I know when Blue is about because I get a tingling on the left side of my head.

Rosemary: This is my Nan.  When I was 21, my Nan died and visited me in my bedroom in spirit form, she showed me a glimpse of the spirit world before she left (you can read about that here).  After that, she gave me the exact date of her husbands future passing (you can read about that here).  My Nan was a medium herself when living (I didn’t know until she died).  She currently resides in her seaside spiritual home with my grandad but her job is to work with me and she and Blue normally come as a pair.  I know when my Nan is about because I get a vision of a rose in my mind.

Silver: I met this guide about 4 years ago during mediation.  He is a Japanese chap (he had a long grey beard so I coined him Silver) and he is my guide for deep healing.  He doesn’t come along very often, only during Reiki if the client has deep emotional pain or Physical pain.  I can feel my right-side tingle and I see a rainbow in my mind (after every Reiki degree I took, there would always be a rainbow outside as I drove home).  He is quiet, we don’t communicate much but I know why he is here and I know why he comes in.

John: this is a relatively new guide who I was aware of but got introduced formally too at the weekend.  He used to be some sort of minister or similar and when in a human existence he preached/gave sermons.  He is here for inspirational speaking, so for example when I have to talk to a group of people at a mediumship demonstration about something inspirational, he will help me with that.

Mary: i know, John, Mary, these are all traditional biblical names.  They are only called this because I named them this.  Because they both appear to have links with the Christian church in their earthly lives, I’ve named them accordingly (although John did give me his name).  So Mary is a nun and she comes in during prayer.  A prayer, or intention, is always given before we connect to source, to loved ones in spirit.  She can help me with that because during her earthly years, she was good at prayer (it was kind of her job!).  I won’t see much of her but she will come in when needed.

Red Tip– this is a grand name for a grand guide!  I met him at the weekend.  He presented as a North American Indian Chief; with the largest feathered head-piece I have ever seen (with red tips!)!  It turns out he is my spiritual advisor and he will help me with guidance, compassion, and knowledge.  I did feel slightly intimidated in his presence, on first meeting, but I guess that’s because he has been around for like, ever.

There is another one which, I still need to establish a connection with.  She feels more “recent history” and has a business head as well as an intuitive, very gifted seer.  So we shall see, she is waiting in the wings at the moment.

So, there you have it, that’s my team.  There are probably a lot more that I haven’t met yet, that I may never meet in this lifetime.

You have guides too, a whole team as well.  We have guides to help us with every aspect of our personal and work life, our journey, our interests, our talents……everything.

How do you connect to yours?  You need to learn the language of telepathy.  Sit in meditation and simply ask your guide to show themselves or indicate they are there, by how you are feeling.  You might see something, feel something or be drawn to something.  The key is to keep trying, be open and be patient but most importantly, trust and believe.

Until next time,


Tanya's Tarot Photo

Who am I?  I am Tanya, an almost 40-year-old psychic medium, professional tarot reader, reiki master and author.  I run a Holistic Practice at my home town in Essex and I love to teach the Positive Law Of Attraction and to write about my really awesome experiences during my crazy yet amazing spiritual journey!  Find me at: (FB: @OraHolisticWellbeing) (FB: @Tanya’sTarot)

Different Vibrations

I never like to dwell on negatives, but I do feel I need to talk about low vibrations.  I’ve written about this before however, another recent experience has made me focus on it once again.

So, here is where I explain about vibrations and energy, remember, I am no scientist, but I do know a thing or two about energy.  My theory is (this is also a scientific fact) that we are all energetic bodies being housed in a physical body.  As energy vibrates, it attracts other lines of energy like a magnet that is on the same frequency that the particular energy is moving on.

Because we are energy, we are vibrating.  When we meet other people, we can “feel” them.  Some of us are not always aware that we are even doing this, but you will understand the feeling of instantly liking or disliking another person from “hello”.

Have you ever gone to a certain part of town where you feel afraid because there are some “lower” energy vibrations around you or you go into a restaurant and it feels stuffy and stuck up, you don’t feel relaxed, it’s not your kind of place, your kind of vibe?

We each have our own unique frequency, and there is a broad range of other frequencies that our friends and (probably but not always) family vibrate on which falls within our channel.  I say channel because it’s a good analogy, like a radio channel.

But some people rub us up the wrong way, we “clash”, or there is “friction”.  We may be tuned in on a different frequency, this is why we feel our differences so acutely.

Since I have been working with energies and reading people’s energy as a living, it has vastly improved my skill on how to pick up what frequency someone (particularly strangers) is on.  I want to stress that this isn’t some ego trip, like “look at me and how high my vibe is” what it is, is about how I recognise almost instantly that the person sitting in front of me is certainly not on my wave-length or frequency, they are not even on the borders, they are very, very far away from my frequency.

I have only ever met these types of people during a tarot reading.  I think that is because, unfortunately, psychic readings can attract the desperate, obsessive and delusional.  This doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I always know.  Here are the key traits:

– an urgency to have a reading “now”.  On their terms, when they say.

– They normally state that they are gifted with psychic ability.

– They ask very specific life questions, huge life questions.  There is an unspoken expectation that you should know with precision what will happen in their life.

– they want a reading a few days after having been given one (which I never do, my rule is a 6-month wait).

– I always have a bad feeling when in their presence.  As soon as they sit down, I feel their vibration.  It’s like there is a darkness around them…. there is something behind their eyes that is fake.  I can see it though, it’s very rare that I would miss it.

– In almost every case, I get a horrible message a few weeks / months later from the person saying that nothing I said has come true and they want to know why.  They always show their true colours – every single time.

Now, when I give readings, I do stress something about predictions.  The first is that when reading the energy of the future, it can be hard, it hasn’t happened yet.  Past and present energy is much easier, because it’s happened, it’s already been there.  But future energy is much more fluid and is changeable.  The sitter can also change their destiny, that is the power of free will.  But most readings I give, I would say 9 out of 10, what I have predicted will come true, be it 12 or 2 years later.  The only ones that apparently do not come true are the ones on this different energy vibration.  I’m not sure why but I think it’s the universe trying to tell me something.  I think it’s saying, “don’t read for the person in the first place”.  As I say, I normally know from hello that this person is not a very nice human being.

This is the key emotions that the people I am talking about are vibrating on:  jealousy, hatred, self-obsession, insecurity and narcissism.  They are painfully unhappy.  They seek reassurance from the reading but in doing so are striving for the reader to take responsibility for their life.  If what the reader says doesn’t happen, they become angry and bitter and then sling vile insults to the reader.  Luckily, I don’t meet this person very often, but they are there, walking amongst us.

By having these experiences, it’s making me thicker skinned.  It’s not easy but you have to be bullet-proof in this line of work, to protect yourself from the lower energies that want to feed off your high vibes.

Until next time,


Who am I?  I am Tanya, an almost 40-year-old psychic medium, professional tarot reader, reiki master, and author.  I run a Holistic Practice at my home town in Essex and I love to teach the Positive Law Of Attraction and to write about my really awesome experiences during my crazy yet amazing spiritual journey!  Find me at: (FB: @OraHolisticWellbeing) (FB: @Tanya’sTarot)

Tanya's Tarot Photo


When I first started developing as a medium, I always thought that psychic-work was a harder “art form” than mediumship.  Boy was I wrong!  If you are not familiar with the differences, a psychic reads the energy of the living and a medium reads the energy of the dead.

If I had known back then, around 5 years ago, that being psychic is actually one of my strongest attributes, I would have laughed.  Turns out, it’s a skill that once you start practicing, you can get pretty good at it.

Psychic stuff has been happening all my life, but it always happened by accident.  Once I started going to witch school and actually “trying” to read a sitter, I was astonished at what could happen.

One if the very first times I had a lady sit down in front of me, I was silently praying inside that I would feel something, as I was so scared and nervous.  As she sat in the seat and made herself comfortable, I saw the word “cat” float across her forehead.  So, I asked her if she was worried about her cat, to which, without hesitation, she burst into tears and told me her cat was in the vets that day, on the brink of death.  Oh…..I thought.  How did I do that exactly?

Alas, in 5 years I’ve only ever had that writing once again, when I saw the word “Australia” across my male clients legs (this is the area I associate with the clients future during an energy treatment – or future dreams and ambitions), so I mentioned it to him and he was astonished as he had been discussing emigrating there with his partner.

Another time, I saw a hair dryer floating on top of my client’s head…you can guess her profession.

I mean this is total gold dust, it makes my job as a tarot reader 100% easy when I literally “see” words and pictures so clearly!  But this has happened THREE times in 5 years!!  So, most of the time, I have to work really hard to get my info.  But get it I certainly do….although I have to interpret one vision with a few different meanings.

For example, during an energy healing treatment and whilst over the heart chakra I will ask my guide “is my client married?” then I visualise my pretty flower arch, if there is a couple under, she is married.  If it’s empty, she is single.  If I see a pair of scissors cut her heart in two, she is separated, and heart-broken.  If I feel intense heat, I know a new relationship has arrived.  If it’s cold….the passion has gone.

I have these little symbols for every area of the client’s life.  I have to stress that I can do this if I tune in, as the client has given me permission.  I only ever use this ability to find missing things, if people ask me.  I don’t use it to spy on others, that is against my morals as a professional reader.

My hope is that one day, I don’t have to go looking so much and the words and pictures trickle down like the credits to a film.  That’s when things will be really awesome!

Until next time,


Who am I?  I am Tanya, an almost 40-year-old psychic medium, professional tarot reader, reiki master and author.  I run a Holistic Practice at my home town in Essex and I love to teach the Positive Law Of Attraction and to write about my really awesome experiences during my crazy yet amazing spiritual journey!  Find me at: (FB: @OraHolisticWellbeing) (FB: @Tanya’sTarot)

Tanya's Tarot Photo


Last year, myself and my fellow witch gang visited an old prisoner of war camp at Hatfield Heath, hidden amongst a residential area.  On the verge of being bulldozed by a property development company, we decided to take a look at this unknown local landmark before it was just a memory in history.  Whist walking around its eerie yet captivating grounds (beyond the barb wire barrier), one of us mentioned Auschwitz and how if we went, what experience would we have, being mediums, feeling everything so deeply?  We mentioned that we would like to go…….fast forward a year later, and my bags are packed, with two of my good friends (fellow mediums) and two of our mums, my mum included.

We were spending three nights in Krakow, Friday was to explore the city and Saturday was for our Auschwitz tour.

Ironically, our guide, who would transfer us from airport to apartment and organize our tour was a lovely young guy called Majik (which I like to pronounce as Magic). The irony of that name was not lost on us.

The apartment was quaint and although slap bang next to a tram line (so noisy at 2am!) it was in the center of the Jewish Quarter of the City.   I certainly felt a presence in that apartment during my stay, in fact, I felt more spirits in my bedroom then i did on the Auschwitz tour. All night I had something/someone touching my face, I kept seeing streams of different people in my mind and I had three very restless nights.  Nonetheless, my enthusiasm for the trip was strong and we had a really good day on Friday.

Krakow is a vibrant city, full of history and authenticity, the people are lovely but we did hint at a slight mafia undertone with some of the services and at night I felt a tiny bit apprehensive but apart from that, it was amazing and I would love to go back.

Majik collected us at 9am sharp on Saturday to drive us the one hour car journey to Auschwitz for the morning tour and then the plan was for us to break for lunch and then travel 4 miles to Birkenau, the second and largest camp (this surprised me, I always thought that Auschwitz was the biggest camp, it was tiny in comparison to Birkenau.).

I wasn’t quite sure what I expected from Auschwitz, I knew it would be sad, but I guess I thought I would feel a sense of detachment.  I couldn’t have been more wrong.  Being in that camp, amongst the human belongings, the beds (if you can call them that) where they slept, I have never felt so much a part of something that felt like it happened yesterday, let alone 75 years ago.

How do I begin to even convey the feelings that I experienced at this place?  Let’s just say that the moment you walk under those famous German words “Arbeit Macht Frei” (work will set you free) there is a deep sense of foreboding.  We know what is in wait, however those poor innocent souls did not have a clue.  They might have felt unease, but this was before TV and the internet, there was no chance of an uprising (can you imagine, there were 20,000 bodies that passed through those gates every day, they could have, on mass, took out the guards, with guns or not) so there was a very planned and organized air of secrecy as to what would happen once they entered the camp.

There is so much more I can talk about what happened, the history etc, but it is outside the scope of this blog, so what I will do is tell you what affected me so very deeply.

As we followed our female guide in a singular line, with headphones on so we could hear her talking from the front, we entered what used to be the administration buildings but now are the main part of the museum.  I say museum, as that is what it is, but I have never been to a “museum” and felt connected to the situation in such a profound way.

First, we saw the human hair, the piles, and piles of hair that had been kept in a sickly pyramid.  There were so many plaits, long beautiful plaits that used to belong to beautiful girls and women.  My hair was in plaits that day and instantly my mum, standing next to me, made an association, of me and to those women.

Then came the artificial legs and back braces, equipment needed for less-abled bodies (probably those who were maimed from the first world war), then suit-cases, which owners were clearly identifiable by the black ink, so carefully written on the leather…..those suitcases would have been so important, that is all they had, their only earthly possessions in a bag…..the glasses were piled up next, boot polish……..then the area that really made a lump stick in my throat.  There were piles upon piles of beautiful, ornate pots and plates.  These were what the women, the mothers, would have packed, to make sure their children were fed when they arrived at the camp.  This basic, yet humbling object is what reduced my mum to tears.  She cried because she is a mother and she knows that all she would have wanted would be for her children to eat, to be and feel safe. There were so many pots.

My tears came after I saw a child’s, a little girl, pretty outfit laid out, small beige boots with a brown cardigan and frilly dress.  I instantly thought of my daughter, then the terror of the place I was standing in hit me.  I felt immensely grateful just then, to be alive during now, for my daughter and I to have the rights and freedom that we deserve, the rights denied to so many.

During the time we walked along the long corridors, it gave us time to study the many hundreds of profile photographs hanging on the walls of the men and women that were in that camp, of course, this is only a very small number of people compared to the scale of what happened, but it was enough for me to feel deeply and connect with them.

I was drawn to the women mostly, Helena…….Maria……….Rose…..the names and faces kept coming.  Looking at their faces, some sad, others indifferent, some even smiling defiantly into the camera lens, I felt an army of invisible women and girls, standing together, saying “don’t’ cry for us, use the anger to never let this happen again and to show the world that it did happen and it should never be forgotten”.

As I stood in the sunshine on my way into the concentration camp, I looked at the blue sky and a tall tree that hung over the roof of the building and thought about the many people who would have looked at the same tree, as they took the same steps as me, that tree  would have been the last thing they saw of the outside world before they stepped into the showers of death.

After our trip, we asked Majik to take us to a bar, where we sat and drank a strong vodka and coke.  The atmosphere was light and we laughed and chatted to Majik, but now I think we were all slightly changed, after going to Auschwitz you will understand what the darker side of human nature is capable of.

I am glad we went on this trip, I for one, will never forget it.  I felt so lucky to be able to walk away from that place, to enjoy the company of the women with me, for us to chat, eat delicious food, drink wine, buy pretty trinkets for our families, to have fun and enjoy tarot readings and coffee back at the apartment……a chance to be myself in a world that lets me do that. Long may that continue, whilst we never forget those that took the path before us and may they rest in peace.

Until next time,