Boy Against A Wall

I have read in the past that other mediums have put their total faith in their spirit team when going out on the platform.  This is public speaking with no script.  The trust required to do this is immeasurable….

On 2ndJune 2019 I will be going out on the platform for the very first time.  The audience will be told that I am a fledgeling, but this doesn’t ease my nerves.  There will be pressure, the pressure to deliver evidence of spirit survival to grieving people, the pressure to not let my fellow mediums down that have invited me to share the stage with them, the pressure to be good enough to perhaps one day be asked to go back…..

My friend and mediumship mentor, Emma, has kindly set up some practice nights for me and Jess, another friend and medium who will be taking her fledgeling night in May.  Emma has arranged a series of evenings at her house where we can practice platform with strangers.

On the first of these nights, I turned up at Emma’s house realising that I hadn’t given that evening a moments thought all day.  Now that I was here, the nerves began to kick in.  If I am nervous now, what the hell am I going to be like on the 2nd of June?

Before I knew it, the four ladies had arrived and I was the first one up. God, my mind went blank and I struggled to form a link with the first spirit.  I did eventually, but it was clunky.  It was a man, he had a job to do with postal workers, he was very lonely and didn’t have the best end to his life.  One of the ladies raised her hand.  Even though I didn’t feel my evidence was amazing, the message he gave me was good though.  He showed me a glass table, like a small coffee table.  He was indicating that she should do something with that table like it had particular significance.  She understood why and told me after that she had put some fresh flowers on the glass table that day, to remind her of her husband who had died a few years previously.

My second link took ages to make a connection with the group of ladies (who all knew each other).  This lady died of cancer and knew them from work.  They took her, after what felt like forever.  Her message was for her daughter, to let her know she was okay…….

After feeling like I wanted to give up, that I was never going to be at the level I wanted to be at, I suddenly saw a young guy, leaning against a brick wall and kind of smirking at me.  He was so casual, so laid back, his arms were folded and he had one leg up, bent against the wall.

I looked at the row of faces in front of me and stopped at the second lady from the right, she had black rimmed glasses on but I could see behind her eyes were the same as this young lads.

I focussed back on the young man, I could clearly see that he had what looked like acne on his face.

I took a big breath and addressed the group:

“I have a young lad here, I don’t think he made it past twenty.  He is a real character, I can see that just from looking at him.  Can anyone take a young guy?”  I asked.

The lady with the glasses raised her hand.  I smiled inside.

“He looks like you!  Except, his skin, he has acne, sorry to say that!”

She nodded her head yes.

“He is giving me the name Adrian does that mean anything to you?”

She laughed out loud.  “Yes!! This is my dad’s name, except hardly anyone knows.  My dad hated the name Adrian so he changed it to Paul. I can’t believe he told you that!” she said.

I remarked again how much this young man looked like the lady.

“He must be your son?” I asked.  “You are like twins!!” I said excitedly.

“No, he was my brother” she smiled at me and I understood the connection.

This young man was cheeky and so full of life.  They were so alike, their mannerisms…….I told her some more things about him.  I wanted to know how he died but he wouldn’t tell me, because it was too upsetting. This is a first, I thought.

Once I had said goodbye to him, the lady gave me some feedback.

She said that her brother died before his twenty-first birthday.  He had an awful illness from birth, which caused terrible boils to appear all over this face.  It was too sad, to upsetting to go into.  She understood why he wouldn’t want too.

I was so grateful he came in (apparently he does a lot!).

I sighed some relief that night.  That was the type of evidence I wanted….perhaps this is the right path after all.

Until next time,


Adalyn – Part One


I glance down the narrow bus aisle and adjust my eyes to the view up ahead.  My contact lenses hate the transition from short-sighted book words to long sighted night vision.  I can see my stop approaching.  It’s amazing how your mind habitually knows the twists and turns of a familiar route whilst at the same time you are engrossed in another world.

Two button presses later and I am edging my way along the aisle, bumping bag against seat sides as I make my way down and out of the bus.

The night is fresh, noisy and smells of Doner Kebab.  As I walk along the footpath I fumble into my bag to find my ear pods.

Once settled into my stride after I have hit shuffle on my iTunes I go back into my own world for my final leg of the commute until I’m home.

Katsu curry… do you make the chicken?  I’m sure you get the breast, coat in mayo and then dip in panko breadcrumbs.  I guess I could cheat and use a bag of chicken nuggets……that would be quick.  Nah, do it from scratch, Dillon will know the difference.  Ok, I will stop at the One Stop and grab some fresh chicken, oh and maybe some more mayo……..

I don’t know what comes first. The intake of air or the feeling that I can’t get the air out.  It’s the air out part, I can’t breathe, I can’t get the air out.  A memory from school, being winded by the football.  I remember this, winded.  I can’t take the air in….I can’t breathe.  It was so quick, the shock on my back, the rudeness of the shove, no it wasn’t a shove it was something stronger, it was violent, something hard and heavy and evil has hit my back……ear pods flying, i-phone turning so slowly, my bag, my things….the cold concrete, the pain, so much pain.  In the distance, I hear a siren……that was quick.

I have never been so afraid. I know I am hurt.  I know I am badly, badly hurt.  This is how it will end for me.  All those years of wondering how my time would come, now I know.  The feeling of knowing almost gives me relief. The pain, I feel red all over me. The pain starts to change as another pain hurts more.  I see my mums face.  I can smell her hair.  I am little, she is big, her hand is on my cheek.  I feel safe there, it’s familiar.  How can she be here?  This quickly?

“Adalyn?”, she is stroking my hand.  I squeeze her fingers.

“Mum” I hear myself speak even though my lips feel strange.

“Stand up, come on, stand up”, she pulls me.  Surely I can’t stand?  Not after that, that thing hit my back.  There was too much pain for standing…..wait, the pain has gone.

I feel myself stand but the motion is so fast that I become dizzy.  I am lighter. It’s an odd sensation.  I must have hit my head pretty badly.

“Mum, what happened to me?”

“It’s okay, just follow me, come on,” she said, I see her face turn, her hair is longer.  Wait, her hair?  That’s not my mum’s hair.  She pulls me along the road.  Her hair is catching the night breeze and it is flowing and long, golden, so golden….it makes me feel safe again.  I have never seen that hair, in photos maybe but not this hair.

“Mum?” I say, turning my head to look behind me.

“Don’t look, come this way, come…….” She says as she turns and our eyes meet.

I take another sharp intake of the night air.  She has my mother’s eyes but this is not my mother.

“Who are you?” I hear myself shout this.

“I am Anouk.  Come, let’s go” she says as she pulls harder on my arm.

I feel the urge to look behind again.  I move my weightless head and stop.  Stillness, my stillness.  My body lying on the concrete.  A police car with a dent on the bonnet, lights still flashing.  A police officer clutching my floppy hand with tears in his eyes.  He is crying for me.  My breath catches in my throat.  He is crying for me.  I want to hold him back.

“Let’s go Adalyn”, she pulls again. I look forward and follow her flowing golden locks.


To be continued.


Until next time,



Professional Tarot Reader

This year I am delving into the world of professional Tarot Reading on full throttle!  It has slowly but very surely been picking up, with more and more reading requests as the year progresses.

At the end of March, myself and a friend organised another local Mind, Body & Spirit event in our home town.

As well as being the co-organiser, I also have my own stall for 15-minute tarot reading sessions.  I did this for the first time at the last event back in September and sat with 7 clients.  This time there were at least 17 in one day.  For a newbie, this is quite a lot!

It’s a weird feeling when you are doing these types of events.  I get nervous, excited and not really sure where the day will take me.  You can have anyone sit at your table.  Sometimes they feel drawn to you, some are very happy, others are in a world of sorrow and pain and need deep healing.

I went through an array of emotions from sitter to sitter….in fact I was in an energetic bubble, I had no idea what was going on outside of my table, I had friends and family that had come to see me but all I could muster was a quick wave if I saw them at all.

By lunchtime (I didn’t get to eat – I forgot to block out a lunch break on my appointment sheet and by the time I did stand up to go and buy a sandwich, the food area shutters had gone down) my appointment sheet was full until the end of the day!

What was happening?  Why was I getting so many this time, was it because I looked busy?  I started to think that and then each reader would sit down and say “I have come on the recommendation of my friend who just had a reading from you”…..and then the penny dropped.  They like my readings!  I finally had a moment of clarity that would push my self-doubt to the back of my mind.

I have a real issue with the ego in any form of spiritual work.  In this business, you meet a lot of people who have what they feel is a gift from God and they literally float around like they are incredibly special people.  This makes me feel very uncomfortable.  I do not believe that anyone should feel they are “the chosen one”.  Some people’s spidey senses just reach a bit further than others, it’s like some people are better at sports or the arts than others, that is all.  No need to have a god complex.  So because of this I always worry about the ego.

But as I am learning, there is a difference between ego and self-worth/confidence.  As I sat there, reading those cards, communicating my strong intuitions on the sitter’s life journey at that current time, it hit me that not everyone can do this.  I have a skill that not many people I know possess, and that is nothing to feel big-headed about, it’s to feel proud of.

I’ve spent twenty years learning the meanings of 78 cards.  I’ve spent the best part of 5 years developing my psychic intuition to allow me to take those meanings further and deeper.  This is my dedication and my talent rolled into one.  So, of course, I deserve that many people at my table because I am helping them and that’s all I want to do, help them.

On that day I went from wondering if I could really do this to walking out the door feeling like this is my job now.  There was something else that happened too.

I was suddenly saying it how it is, without worrying about causing offence.  Don’t get me wrong, I have always been honest in every tarot reading I have ever conducted however I have always been cautious and protective of my client’s feelings.  On that Sunday, I suddenly had balls that I didn’t realise I have!  Of course, remaining professional yet assertive at all times.  Here is an example:

A lady sat down at my table telling me that she had never had a reading before.  This is always a good thing as they are an open book however there is also a lot more pressure.  I made sure she knew what type of reading this is.

“This is a tarot reading, which means I am tuning in to your life, your energy on a psychic level.  This isn’t mediumship so I won’t be connecting to any spirits today.  Is that okay?” I asked, she said yes and eagerly sat down.

Now with the cards, normally the first one or two start to give you an indication of what is happening in the person’s life.  I always start by talking about the meaning of the cards and then start to build the story with my own interpretations of their meanings.  Every tarot reader should ask questions.  Popular to contrary belief, they are not cold reading by asking questions.  The reason for a question, as an example, is that they can feel male energy in the particular situation and they need to place him, he could be the son, brother or husband.  So a quick “are we talking about your husband here?” can help the reader to then really delve into the situation.  Of course, you will get the reader who needs no cards or deviation props whatsoever and will sit there and basically reel off loads of stuff about your life, this ability is rare and what I have found in my experience is that they are no holds bar psychics which will tell you someone will die in your family in the next 12 months (this has happened to me, it was horrendous and very unprofessional.).  I am not that type of reader.  I do hit on lots of stuff that I would not be privy of knowing, for example, I’ve read for a lady and I could see a hairdryer floating above her head, I asked if she was a hairdresser and she confirmed she was.  But on the most part, we do need a bit of dialogue with our sitters.

Not with this lady!  She said in front of me and shook her head “no” to everything I said.  That’s interesting, I thought.  These cards are strong emotions, in all the years I have had someone in front of me, they have never said no like that.  I tried and tried and tried and all she did was shake her head and look puzzled.  I realised very quickly that this could be because of three potential reasons:

  • She was worried about opening up her private life to a stranger. She had never had a reading before so didn’t really know what it meant.
  • She was testing the reader. A sceptic who believes that you don’t have to answer and that the reader must know every single detail of your life to be a real psychic.
  • She was in some sort of denial to these situations, she probably needed help more than anyone that came to me that day.

After re-shuffling and dare I say it, feeling like I was losing my patience with this woman just a little bit, I asked her to ask me a question, because that should mean we get an answer that she can make sense off.

“Is my sister happy?” she asked.

Ok, I thought, I shuffled the cards and asked the question in my head. I could see from the card result that she hadn’t seen her sister in a long time, there was no communication. So I told her this.

“Well my sister is dead!” she said.  I took a big, prolonged sigh and then collected my cards up.

“This isn’t a mediumship reading. I am not linking to spirit”.  I said.

“Well I didn’t know that!” she said.  Clearly, she didn’t really understand anything I had explained to her before she said down.

I smiled kindly at her.  “I’m very sorry but I can’t read for you today. I won’t charge you, perhaps you should speak to either the lady next to me or the reader at the end, they can link to your sister.  Have a lovely day” I said smiling at her.  She thanked me and stood up “perhaps it’s me,” she said as she walked away.

I felt proud of myself for telling her that I would not be reading for her on that day.  I also realised that yes, it probably is her or something meant our energies were not linking at that time.  Out of 17 readings that day, she was the only blank face that I got. Everyone else was on the same page, hit after hit of information and intuitive guidance to help them at this time.

When I packed up that day, even though I was dizzy, hungry and exhausted, I felt like I was walking on air. This is the best job in the world!

Tanya Tarot

Until next time,


What Does The Afterlife Look Like?

During a recent mediumship reading with a friend, I was given an amazing opportunity to see a glimpse of where her dad is now currently residing.  He left his physical “human” body over twenty years ago and now lives an active life in the spirit world.

This was the first time during a mediumship reading that I have been shown what it’s like on that side of the consciousness divide.

Buzzing very fast on a high vibrational energetic frequency, we cannot see this other world through our physical human eyes but we can penetrate it with our thoughts and feelings and it’s what I and other mediums connect too when we are giving spirit communication.

We also visit there when “dreaming” and people who are able to astral project will often visit this place, which is commonly termed the astral realm, the one closest to our human conscious experience here on Earth.

I have seen this place when having strong lucid dreams.  I’ve seen my holiday home (it’s nice!!) and my grandparents live in a narrow, tall house with a sea view so my grandad can visit the beach and it’s also close to the pub that my Uncle David still likes to frequent (yes you can still do that stuff when you “die”….but more about that in another post!).

Getting back to my friend’s dad, this is what he showed me:

It was a stunning grand building, which had very high airy ceilings with a gigantic window on the far wall, the window was shaped like the type of long windows you get in churches but it was huge, the window was the wall really.  Outside was a vast and stunning landscape of rolling hills and a vibrant blue sky.

Inside the walls of this giant room (more like a hall) were golds and yellows and there was a grand, shiny open backed piano in the centre, tables all around with people having lunch or drinking tea. It was busy, I could hear chatter and laughter.

My friend’s dad said he liked to go there with his mum, also in spirit.  He told me that back in his Earthly life, he couldn’t have afforded to go to places like this because it was reserved for the upper classes only and as the Afterlife has no material monetary barriers or restrictions, he can visit there as often as he and his mum would like.

He said that during his time as a human he loved films and special effect movies however, the special effects on Earth are nothing in comparison to what can be achieved on the other side. He gave me an example, by saying that his grandson Oliver (my friend’s son) would love the dinosaur special effects in the spirit world, he said they are absolutely incredible!  My friend fed back to me after the reading that her son Oliver was going on a school trip that day to a dinosaur-themed park!  She did not mention this at all before the reading!

I have done extensive research over the years with regards to peoples accounts of what the Afterlife actually looks like.  I have read so much material from Near Death Experiences, Astral Projection Accounts and Mediums themselves.  The fact that I am now getting an insight myself only validates and strengthens my core belief of what the place is like that we will all reside in once we pop our Earthly clogs!

I find something else happens to me sometimes that is a bit on the strange side……every now and again I get a reminder of my true home, your true home too: the other side.

It is when I am walking in nature, normally when I am standing in green fields in the countryside.  It’s like a have this very strong recognition, it’s a knowing that I can’t put into words, it’s a memory, a far off, distant but not forgotten memory that this is what my home looks like.  It’s a feeling of comfort and warmth and complete and utter security.  When I see it, I get so excited as I know that is what heaven looks like.

I also have a memory that does not belong to me here, on this Earth journey.  I also don’t believe that it is from a past life.  I believe it is a memory of the spirit world.  It’s a house, a large, detached house, about 4 bedrooms. There is a feeling that a motherly figure is in this house with me but she isn’t my mum here on Earth (that isn’t to say that my mum and I will not be together when we die and that she isn’t my mum).

In this house, I can see my bedroom and the beauty that lies beyond the window outside.  The more I meditate on this memory the more it comes into my view.

I’ve decided to try and really connect to it and save it for another blog post.  Who knows where it could take me?

Until next time,




At the beginning of February 2019, I finally took the plunge and decided, along with two friends to start the open mediumship development circle at the Arthur Findlay College at Stansted Hall.

I’ve written about the college before in previous blog posts, but to summarise, the college is purely for the study of psychic & mediumship development and attracts students from all over the world, including some of the most famous historic mediums to date.

Since 2015, I have attended local circles, the last one being a closed home circle.  A home circle is a fantastic place to start learning your craft (so to speak!), a safe environment where you feel comfortable and it doesn’t matter if you make mistakes because it is understood that it’s a learning environment.

There is a lot I could talk about regarding the development of mediumship (mediumship being the ability to communicate with spirits), however for the point of this blog I will highlight the biggest and most challenging aspect of it for most mediums: the ability to differentiate between what you are thinking in your own conscious mind versus what spirit is sending you to translate to your sitter.  Translate literally means to understand the images, feelings and words you are receiving during the communication.

Trusting in what you are getting from the spirit is pretty much the key to it all really, doubt is not your friend during your learning process.

When we left the home circle at the beginning of the year, what we were most afraid of is getting stuff wrong.  To me, personally, it’s the responsibility that mediumship holds that weighs heavily on my shoulders.  Not only because there are thousands of fraudsters out there who cold read people, not only because there are many highly sceptical individuals who would go out of their way to try and have you exposed for being one of those fraudsters (this is a job for some people, which is fantastic work to find the scammers but if you are a legitimate human being who can talk to dead people, they are also out to get you too), the biggest responsibility for me is that you are talking to someone who is grieving.  If I get the message wrong, or not clear enough, or just too “general” then I am doing that person a disservice.  If there is one thing I can’t stomach and that is doing a bad job of something I am supposed to be doing well.  I have always said that if it turns out that I am an average medium with mediocre evidence, then that’s where it stays, I progress no longer.  I’m only putting this effort in to develop if it means that I can give a sitter some of the best evidence they will ever receive from a medium.  That is not an egotistical statement.  It’s my ethical and moral standpoint on the subject.  After over 3 years of development, I’m still at the early stages with this.  Time hasn’t unfolded yet in terms of reaching the level I seek.  But there will be a cut off period for me, I will know if and when I have reached it.  (I would like to mention at this point that Psychic tarot readings are not the same as mediumship readings.  I can read Psychic very well, which is what I do during tarot readings.  I’ve also given some amazingly accurate mediumship evidence, but this is sporadic, but it’s those snippets of information that keep me going on my journey).

So all that said, earlier in 2019 it was our time to graduate from mediumship primary school and to move on to a big school, or Hogwarts as I like to call it! (After showing my little girl photographs of the gothic exterior of the college, she is pretty convinced I fly off on a broomstick every Thursday night to class!).

On the first night of class, we were all so nervous.  I had seen photos of the college but had no idea how spectacular it looked in real life, in stunning grounds, huge iron doors, I felt like we were stepping back in time when we arrived.

My nerves notched up a level when I saw the circle was more like an oblong, there were loads of people attending, unlike the small intimate circles we were used too.

The lady who was taking this particular class was pretty incredible.  What I mean by that is, she had an aura of energy around her that I was instantly attracted too, a kindness and healing feeling, she had an amazing way of telling you things that allowed you to understand the exact point she was trying to make.  For example, on this class she wanted us to “feel” our way into connecting to the person sitting in front of us and then to allow the spirit to connect to that feeling, creating the link so we could start to deliver the evidence that the spirit was with us.

I was paired off with a lovely older gentleman, who told me he had been coming to circle for a couple of years. I think he could tell I was nervous and offered to go first, thank goodness!  He connected to my grandad and gave me some lovely evidence, nothing mind-blowing (but who is judging?!) but it was a nice reading and I thanked him.

Now it was my turn.  I remembered what the tutor had said about feeling the energy.  With my mediumship, I find the hardest part is establishing the link.  If I have a strong spirit who on Earth would have had big energy, that makes life a lot easier, but most people are not like that, so you really do have to try hard to connect on the link.

I looked at the chap sitting opposite me.  What did I feel when I looked at him?  Music notes, that’s what I felt, soft music all around him.  He felt like music.

“I feel music all around you…” as soon as the words came out of my mouth I saw a little (quite short in fact) lady in my mind’s eye.  She had a grandmotherly feel but also she would have mothered this man as he grew up. This lady was a force to be reckoned with, she may have been small but she was the head of the family for sure! The music connection was also to her, I could see scores and films and an orchestra.  I feed this back and the man smiled.  He told me that his grandmother had brought him up like a mother. She was small in stature but was the matriarch of the family.  She was in a choir and would sing in different musical shows.   There was some other personal stuff I fed back to him and all in all he was really chuffed with his reading.

All three of us had a fantastic night and realised with sincere thanks and gratitude that our old circle teacher had helped us so much over the last couple of years.  Our evidence was very good, not just generic “grandad liked a drink down the pub” stuff, but some real facts about the people who had passed on.

It was my second night, the following week, at Hogwarts that really got my juices flowing!  We had a fabulous speaker who was talking about being in the Power.  What does this mean?  I never really knew until that night.  Basically, its when we sit and connect to our higher self, a deep feeling of meditation and sitting with ourselves, our guides, our spirit team, its where we connect back to the source of our living energy force.

Our tutor wanted us to connect to the sitter, on a soul level.  This is deeper than reading someone psychically.  If you read someone psychically, you can feel what they did that day (seriously you wouldn’t believe how many women are thinking about shoes!), or you pick up on some feelings like an argument may have happened, they feel red/fiery or sad and upset.  The soul connection is different, this is about the person’s life journey, their hopes, fears, dreams…the core of who they are.  You need permission to read someone’s soul.

I sat in front of a lovely lady called Helen, who proceeded, after my permission, to read my soul journey. I can hand down say it was one of the most accurate readings I have ever had.  Helen was phenomenal.  She knew I used my hands to heal, she could feel my ambitions and my dreams, that is truly unique to me.

When it was my turn I took a deep breath and trusted that I could do this.  Once I was into Helen’s energy I just accepted the visions that came and allowed them to tell a story.  I felt that Helen was also a healer but in a different sense, hers was mental, she healed through her knowledge and also through words, people listened to her and her advice.  I also said some other personal things.  After Helen told me that she is a counsellor/therapist, so talks to heal people and that the personal stuff I mentioned was so accurate, she was really pleased with what I picked up.

At this point, I was buzzing! It was time to sit in the circle again and our tutor wanted us to all meditate and get into the power, observing who we felt around us whilst we did it.  She turned on the music and we all closed our eyes.  We must have sat there for ten minutes or so when I finally started to relax, I felt my guide, Blue, standing behind me.  Then I saw him looking at a vast landscape, with green mountains and a stunning deep blue sea.  He sat down, literally on my lap so I could feel that my hands were no longer on my jeans, they were now on his blue robes.  Blue has his namesake because of his blue eyes, his blue robe and the blue light that I have now started to see every so often, it flashes past my eyes or I can see it when I close my eyes.  I don’t talk about this blue energy to anyone.

When it was time to come back to the room, our tutor went around each individual person to talk about their experience.  To my utter amazement, she could identify who the person had with them during their own very personal meditation experience.  When it was my turn, she told me I had a man standing behind me. “Yes, that’s my guide, he sat on top of me!” I said as the others laughed.

The tutor nodded then said “Yes, I saw him too, and his blue light energy.  Blue all around you.  It will be interesting to see where that blue energy is going to take you, Tanya”………..

Until next time,


Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dead

“Don’t be afraid of the dead, be afraid of the living”, I have heard that saying before but I didn’t realise how true it was until a recent Ghost Hunt Outing.  This isn’t a normal activity for me, in fact it was a first, my friend purchased some tickets to visit Epping Forest for a night walk on an organised guided ghost tour. I was really excited and didn’t know what to expect.  The fact that I was staying up and being outside past midnight was thrilling enough to be fair.

On the Ghost Walk night, we all met outside the large pub at the Epping Forest entrance.  We found a parking space amongst other cars that were sitting in the carpark, with steamed up windows and low thumping music.  We considered briefly that we might have just walked into a local underground dogging meeting place so hastily made our way to where we were told to meet our guide.

Luckily we could see him in his yellow, high viz jacket, through the weed smoke that seemed to be thick in the atmosphere, god only knows where it was coming from but the air was full of the stink of drugs!  Clearly, nothing to do with our tour guide but I started to “feel’ that the energy around this place was somewhat “lower” than I am accustomed to these days.

Anyhow, after some instruction from our guide Tom, who informed us that he is a medium himself, we headed into the forest for our first story.  The format was planned out for us, we were to walk to the different spots of the forest where myth, legend, history and fact told us about different ghost sightings.  I was really excited about this and at that point, not at all scared. What terrified the hell out of me was the massive spiders lurking on hanging webs on low branches and the mud in the forest (did not think this through on booking!).

The very first fable started with Tom telling us about the ghost of Boudica who has been seen on several occasions roaming through the patch of green we were looking at and walking into the forest with her long cape flapping behind her.  I really started getting into this story when our attention was taken away suddenly from it to a small black car that was very slowly creeping along the road beside us.  As it passed us, the window wound down and we heard a guy shout out (quite aggressively) “What are you doing?” in a deep, North London accent. Tom immediately sighed and shouted, “None of your business, drive on please” and proceeded to wave his massive flashlight in this guy’s face.  Before I had time to mentally process that that action was not a good idea the guy shouted “What the f@*k are you doing man?  I will get out and cut you!!!”.

Feeling my breath quicken, Tom seemed unfazed and said casually “Yes, yes, move along……”.  Luckily, the car speed of with skidding wheels.

Tom apologised to us and said that this was normal.  That, unfortunately, Epping Forest attracts some interesting characters and he gets some form of aggressive behaviour on almost every guided tour, he has only had to call the police once though.

Suddenly, any talk of ghosts meant nothing compared to what I was now experiencing internally.  My anxiety was on overdrive.  I have a real fear of human violence and it appeared to be right within my grasp now “cut you up”??  Tom didn’t seem to care a hoot and insisted that the guy in the car was gone and we should move on.

So we did, we walked deeper into the forest and I was relieved to be away from the road.  As we reached our next stopping point (a bank next to a very swampy lake, in pitch black, god only knows how we didn’t fall in) I muttered to my friend that I’m now very anxious about the nutter in the car.  She reassured me we would be fine.

I managed to forget about him when Tom asked us how we felt standing next to the green bog.  Bearing in mind there was around twenty of us on this tour, it was deathly quiet in this spot of the forest.  The moonlight managed to allow a bit of light onto the lake.  I felt so sad.  The lake reminded me of death, of peoples death.

“This lake is a suicide spot.  There have been over fifteen reported suicides here over the past one hundred years”.  Oh. How awful.  I couldn’t wait to walk away.

Eventually, we did, we walked further and further and more and more tales were explained to us, some that made me feel very emotional (what was I thinking of booking this up?).  But really, that was all ok because compared to the terrorising we were experiencing first hand with the living, the dead where nothing to be afraid of.  That guy in the car, he decided to come back and he wasn’t alone.  He kept driving past at every opportunity and circling our party like a fox around a chicken coup.  Tom insisted that we not worry and that if worse comes to the worst he could call the police as he has a “hotline” to the local constabulary.  It was so absurd I was starting to wonder if it was part of the tour?

We eventually entered a wide open space, next to a road.  It felt like it was the middle of nowhere.  I can’t stress to you how bad my anxiety was at this point, because of the guy in the car.  I had a VERY bad feeling about his energy.  I was so close to calling my husband and begging him to pick me up, even though I had no idea where we were in the forest and it was almost 1am.

When we reached the middle of the field, we stood around Tom whilst he told the next story.  I so wanted to listen and enjoy it, but I couldn’t because I was so afraid of this guy coming back.  And just like that, I pulled in that fear like a magnet and we saw the forbidding headlights and heard the slow tyres turning on the road leading up to us, us at a dead end, like a scene from a horror movie.  I grabbed my friends arm and squeezed hard “we are leaving!” I said in a loud whisper, frantically looking for where we could run to hide from this maniac.

Everyone in our group was now voicing their concern and when the car stopped and this guy got out, I turned to Tom “Better call that hotline now ah Tom, like NOW!” I demanded.  Tom huffed and pulled out his mobile phone, then we heard the scary guy shouting out “I’m a ghost, a ghost, a ghost, ahhhhhhh” like some over dramatic female drama teacher.  Everyone started laughing (through fear?) and we realised that this guy was nuts, but probably not a cold-blooded killer.

Thankfully, that was the last we heard of him and Tom didn’t have to call the police.  So the second half of the tour I could finally relax and enjoy.

Toward the end, we walked to Hang Mans Hill.  Legend has it that this is where all the criminals back in the dark ages used to be killed and literally “hung out to dry” in front of everyone. It’s also the place where if you sit in your car and release the hand brake on a certain hill, an optical illusion makes it look like your car is rolling uphill.  It was close to this spot that we did the séance.

I have never done a séance before.  We all stood around in a circle and held hands (sweaty hands with a male stranger in the middle of a forest, don’t tell me I don’t know how to live). Tom, being the medium, told us to close our eyes whilst he asked the spirits of the forest to come forward and do different things, like tap our shoulders and push us forwards.  Now, I have to stress here that Tom did not know that I and my party of friends were all mediums ourselves.  I don’t actually feel that anything spectacular happened but I DID feel a weight pulling on my arm.  I was in what I felt like was a deep meditation and after the séance which lasted I reckon around twenty minutes, Tom came up to me in front of the group and said that my energy felt very interesting, very calm, very still (“that will be the Reiki energy!” I said to myself with an inside smile).

It was time for the very last walk for the last account of the night. We walked deeper still into the forest and approached a massive ditch.  We stood around the ditch, in a half semi-circle with our torches pointing to the centre.  It looked very low down.

“Where is my volunteer?” shouted Tom. Oh darn it, I remembered that Tom had chosen me at the beginning of the tour to be his volunteer.   Not wanting to point out that volunteering doesn’t actually work that way, I raised my hand and said it was me.

“Come forward Tanya and stand in the ditch”.  What?!  I didn’t want to seem like a spoil sport but I really didn’t fancy doing this!  One minute later I was standing in that ditch, with nineteen faces looking down on me, all shining their torches on my face.  I remembered a time back in my youth on the dance floor when I would have lapped up this feeling.  Not tonight.  I was in my very own living Blair Witch Project.

Tom, in a very serious tone, told me to close my eyes and take some deep breaths and to tell me exactly what I felt whilst standing in that ditch.  So did exactly that, I forgot about being watched and just “felt”.  This is what I experienced:


I felt so afraid and so so sad. I felt this was a female sadness. I was so scared, scared for my life, I wanted to drop to my knees and protect my head, then I saw a rope hanging from a tree, then I realised that I had to protect my unborn baby.


“What did you feel, it doesn’t matter if you didn’t feel or see anything, we are not all mediums here” said Tom with a kind smile.

I recited it all back to him.  He raised an eyebrow and smiled at me then looked at the group.

“Well this is very interesting, very interesting indeed.  Because here, in this very ditch is where a young woman was chased into by her husband, where he beat her and killed her then hung her from the tree branches, after pulling her down and digging and placing her in a shallow grave, right on the spot where Tanya is standing.  This was in the 1970s.  Well done Tanya, that’s really good”.

I shuddered.  That poor woman.  I didn’t mention the unborn child bit to Tom and the others, I just didn’t feel it appropriate.

After we walked back to the car, we thanked Tom for an “interesting night”. By the time we reached our car, all the other cars (not part of our group) had gone.  They had left rubbish all over the place, it looked awful.  Epping Forest, the place of natural beauty during the day, treated with utter disrespect during the witching hours, attracting the lowest forms of energies, drug dealers, hitman, murderers, rapists….they all go there. Why?  Because it is a forest and is out of the way?  I don’t think its that.  I think the forest holds so much dark energy that goes back centuries, all that history etched in the tree bark, that it attracts certain vibrations, the dark energies that walk this Earth as humans today.

As we drove away, I vowed I would never go back to the Forest when the moon was out.  I would save it for sunny day walks with me and my dog.

Until next time,




Blocking Negative Energies


It’s been two and a half years now since I started my holistic business. During that time, I have had the absolute pleasure of meeting some truly gifted, wonderful and compassionate teachers, mentors, leaders, friends and clients.  When you work within this spiritual field, it can only be described as a blessing because you are there to help others, you are healing, whether that be hands-on or simply through the art of listening to someone.

I remember when my Reiki Master was asked if she has ever met any challenging people along her own spiritual business journey.  She had, in fact, had a negative experience with someone, which she duly learnt her lesson from and her explanation to what happened was put simply “where there is light, there will always be darkness.  You can’t have one without the other.”.

I thought on this and realised that she is right, especially when we look at this work as energy work, that is the bread and butter of it “energy work”. Energy, vibrations, magnets.  Like attracts like….and sometimes, the good attracts the bad, the empath attracts the narcissist.

The low, dark, deeply negative soul, whose vibrational frequency spins much slower than the optimistic, joyful, positive energy who only ever seeks out the best, the trust, the honesty, the best way forward, even in their darkest of times.  The negative soul will search out the positive soul in order to feed.  They will drink up this energy to seek reassurance, to seek accountability for their own life’s happiness, to shift their own life responsibilities onto someone else. Every person can flit between energies at times when I talk about these darker energies I’m talking about the ones that live toxic lifestyles.  Here are some personality traits:

  • Unless a good intuitive, you will not see this person coming. They have two faces, one for you and one for everyone else.  In fact, they may have many faces.
  • They will have a string of toxic relationships, in the past and also circling around them currently. Apparently, everyone is out to get them.
  • They are quick to judge, they are also quick to anger.
  • Jealousy and a sense of injustice seep from their very core, they are a victim and they cannot and will not be blamed for their bad behaviour around you because it is not their fault.
  • They will use every tactic in the book to make you feel guilty, to manipulate, to project their own behavioural traits on to you.

Now, I am not a psychologist or a councillor.  But what I am is a highly intuitive individual who works in the field of helping others.  It has taken me half my life to now recognise souls that are vibrating on this low-level frequency.  In the past it has taken me months, years even to figure out these types of people (sound familiar?).  But now, I can normally figure it out on an introductory meeting.  How do I know?

My gut screams at me “Be Aware, Be Very Aware!”.  I just feel very very strange when I am in their presence.

Now, this is not the same feeling as “Blimey, this person is hard work. Not sure if we are going to gel. Not sure if I like this person, to be honest”.  It’s not the same because I can guarantee you after chatting to that said person that we will click eventually or I will understand that our frequencies are out of line, so we are not gelling like I would with someone that is on my plane, if I meet that person, the room is on fire.  We click, we bond, its instant and it makes me feel SO GOOD. It’s like I have had a battery charge and I feel inspired, motivated, I have found one of my “people”.

Because we are all vibrating on our own frequency, we need to find those that are too.  There doesn’t have to be a vast difference in frequencies, in fact, you can be rather different, but what you have to be careful of is those that are really, really vibrating on that low-density vibration.  They will be seeking you out, I promise you, they will see your light shine from across the room.

Where is this blog post leading to I hear you ask?  Did I meet one of these people recently? Yes, I did.  Of course, I did, it inspired me to write this blog.  I can’t tell you too much about this person but what I want to tell you about is that I knew from “hello” that this person was starting to suck on my energy field like a leech on a fresh chunky thigh.  On every subsequent meeting, after I tried to “help” this person (way out of my remit to be fair) I knew that they would turn and show their true colours.  They did do it and it was not a surprise to me at all.

There is so much in hindsight I should have done.  I should have said hello and goodbye and be done with it (I will next time).  However, I did want to help this person (even though now I know I cannot help these types of energies.  Remember what I said, you get negatives and positives.  I can certainly help those that are negatives and are good people (you are not a bad person if you are really negative – far from it!) but the type of people I am talking about here is EXTREME.)  I’m talking about the type of people that treat animals badly, that can’t love others, that thrive on destruction, pain and the failure of other human beings so that it makes their life feel better.

So, next time, I will refuse (politely and professionally) to work with this type of person.

The whole point of this blog post is to tell you what to do when you meet one of these people.  Or should I say, trying to remove them from your life?  Now, I appreciate that some people may be very intertwined with one of these energies, and advice on this is probably outside of the scope of this blog post (and something I can certainly write about in the future).

In this post, I am talking about someone that you have removed out of your life because they are awful energies and what to do to break the energy link with them, especially when they are an energy vampire.

This is what I did to remove the bad energy from my energy field:

  • Say goodbye with love:
    • I appreciate that in most situations you may be unable to do this. In my situation, I could.  I accepted the vileness that was being slung my way and I thanked the Universe for the lesson that I learnt that day.  (The lesson was invaluable and I’m glad it happened).  I acknowledged the person as ignoring them at that time would have infuriated their ego even more.  So I sent them some light.  I reminded them that they are a good soul, that there is a better life out there for them. I killed them with kindness.
  • Cut ALL contact:
    • This is a biggie. You CANNOT let this person penetrate your energy field EVER AGAIN (or as much as you can physically help it) if you don’t want your energies to blend.  So block their number, block their email, block their social media profiles and never speaketh of their name.
  • Raise YOUR vibration:
    • You must do this next step, especially if you feel hurt, sad or angry. The bad energy WANTS you to feel some low-level energy here, if they are able to do this then their mission is accomplished.  You have to build a wall here!  If you sink to their level then they have achieved their goal, their bellies are now full as they feast on the good that was you before they turned you into one of them.  Of course, you can never be one of them but you catch my drift here.  So what do you do?  This is what I did:
      • Thought about them with love, not hate. Feel sorry for their soul.  Try to forgive their actions.  Remember, we are all on an evolutionary soul journey.  If they are still developing, we need some compassion here.  There are some things that are certainly their fault but there are some things on a soul level that are probably not.
      • Put on some music, and sing and dance. Raise your energy up!  Dance around like a loon and laugh at yourself.  Make your energies spin and jump and vibrate so highly that you are on the clouds and the fragments of their energy are just dust stuck in the carpet. There is a vast expanse between you both.  A VAST expanse.
    • Don’ t spread the hate
      • Here’s the thing, when we talk about what happened, as soon as we think about this person, they are back in our energy field. We may think there is physical stuff between us but when we are talking energy, we don’t need walls, we can think of someone and they can be right there in the room, whether or not they know it.  If you start slating this person in a bad way, you are bringing your vibration down. By all means, get it off your chest with a friend but then put it to bed, for good.  Before you know it, they will be gone.  For good.

Before I end this blog post I would like to put my own opinion across on why some people turn out this way.  I have my theories.  We are all born pure right?  Nature, nurture or whatever shapes and conditions us?  Does it?  Who knows, I think it’s a big old bag of, karma, what you did to others in another life, how you were brought up in this life, what you have been through, where you sit on your soul journey…..whatever it is, shine your light as bright as you can to attract your people.  Leave the lower ones to their own, send them on their merry way with love.

I want to stress something else before I end this post.  We do have to meet these types of people.  It is good for us to be tested, to go through bad experiences, to learn, to grow.  Life isn’t all stardust and rainbows.  Without the bad stuff, how do we know what the good stuff is?  So like I say, have the experience, embrace the lesson and then cut them off and move on.  They did their job when they were around you once before, no point delaying the agony once your chapter on it is closed.

Until next time,